next, you have little lines that always seem to ggrab my attention or make me just feel and nod my head in knowing, familiarity. ...does it bother you to know that I was trapped beneath...
the ocean...its so fluxuating. never the same, always moving, affected by mooncycles,...i love anything that involves the ocean. maybe i should try writing one about it...i've had writer's block too, its killing me. you may have noticed i haven't posted in a freakin dog's age.
but anyhow...what else...Ani says in her song "swim"... ...so i hope i never see the ocean again pushing and pulling at me as i go deeper and deeper in... til i'm so far from my shore, so far from what i came here for... i let you surround me, i let you drown me, out with your din... and then i learned how to swim.
that is what i think you need to do for this one, cuz it does seem bitter, doll! oh, well, we all move on. as does the ocean. love to you~ april
great idea, the ocean burning. i love it, and i can completely see it through your words. one thing, though, the second half of the poem seemed a bit more complete and somewhat stronger than the first half. maybe you could make the first half a bit more powerful. at times, i felt like each stanza was just an incomplete thought. it's an easy thing to switch- all you nee is a transition. it's very good, and has potential to be great.
Wow, at any other give time i would have thought that this was good or ok. Right now as of this very moment lots of things are going through my mind and that explained a lot of them. It is because I want to say all of that to other people but I can't. It describes so much and thank you. I think that i am going to read all of your other works and add you to my AIM. Thanks again.
Wow. This seems to me like you're saying that you are just being weighed down by so much, and all of that is killing you, and you're trying to ask this person for help in so many different ways, but they just don't get it.
This is a beautiful poem. I liked the title very much, or is it just me? (I'm crazy about ocean) Those parts of the poem in vich you are addressing to that other pearson are not very good, they are very close to being pathetic. But last two stanzas are great. In general, I loved it.