I liked what you were trying to convey very much, however you've choosen to use a voice that is rather dated...ie your diction speaks of another age...the thing with that age is that the poems has lasted because they well so brilliantly crafted. I think this piece would be better if you spoke in a more contemporary voice and toned some of the I would's down...it comes across as a bit dramatic and most people are just happy with an I love you or some action that helps them out in life...like mowing the lawn...can you see where I'm coming from...it's like if you said that to me I'd be happy of course...but a little taken back by it...like...errrrrrrrrrr...ok dude....just my thoughts...take or toss...lots of potential in this. :
the beginning lines are awesome. i like the "i can only say this" part, its so to the point, shows how selfless and...aware you are. your old stuff is very autobiographical, i think...
sometimes i think this is how my boyfriend feels about me...i know thats probably pretty selfish of me to say, but he acts the way your words describe...like i know hed hurt just so i wouldn't have to...and that, as much as i love him for it, makes me sort of...guilty, you know? like i feel i am not as good a person or something...but anyhow, i know i've felt this way too, about people i love and such. good write, really powerful in a revealing way.~april
great piece! i like the short choppy lines and the mix of two ideas into one. really creative. i can understand because i would die for my friends, and i'd rather i take the pain that each of them has to live with. beautiful. i think a reader can get a lot out of something like this.