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    dots Submission Name: Your Eyes at Nightdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 724
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 332


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    dotsYour Eyes at Nightdots

    You sing a little smokier at night
    perhaps the black sky stains you a bit,
    but even in this dim nightclub light,
    your eyes are more intense
    like the aurora borealis
    light them from within
    exceeding daylight in beauty
    and making its brightness
    appear garish and gaudy.

    Submitted on 2004-09-01 17:07:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    That is a very touching poem because it is fall of hidden imagery and that what makes it very good. Well done
    Khaled Abdallah.
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one a lot. You've managed to say quite a bit in just a few words in this short poem. It's the first four lines in here that do it for me. It is beautifully worded and conjures up some really nice images for me. Can't find anything really wrong with it, so it's difficult to give you any criticism, constructive or otherwise (though I usually only ever try to give the constructive type ). So I will only compliment. Very nice, I must say. Very nice indeed.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      great stuff as always. although you probably did not mean this, I could not helping thinking about how a dark club (or even restaurant) looks so good in the dark but completely garish and gaudy in the daylight.

    "exceeding daylight in beaty" is such a great image.
    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      theres the cuddle spice...perfect nothing for me to complain about...nothing to say besides i really enjoyed it...you've managed to really pack this little piece with lots of great images and thoughts...i'm not sure why but i really liked the las two lines...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      first thing: you thought me new words (had to look up garish and gaudy, they don't teach you words like that in a German school).
    I like your beginning very much cause it had nothing to do with the title (singing?? where are the eyes??). but that made it interesting. the aurora borrealis is a nice touch. very vivid. all in all a really good poem. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

    For such a short poem your diction is so loaded with hidden meanings and such imagery of these eyes, it astounds me. Short, but saying a lot, is what I'd say about this poem. I especially liked the reference to the aurora borealis, it really made things clearer.

    | Posted on 2004-09-01 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]

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