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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Is this just to say i'm sorry?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ibelikeso
    ASL Info:    27/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 119/106/24
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1402
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 784



    Description:
       if you have ever wronged the person that loves you?... and you wish for another chance.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIs this just to say i'm sorry?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    This is just to say "i'm sorry...
    For all the wrong things that i have done."
    When i was leaving in a hurry,
    And failed to see the pain you held for so long.
    This is just to say"i'm sorry...
    For being indifferent and causing your pain.
    For my heart was hard and felt no worry,
    Not even of the scars that were to remain.
    This is just to say, "i'm sorry..."
    As inadequate as it may sound,
    Because i changed such a lovely story,
    Giving it a sad ending... But is that all that can be found?
    Is this just to say "i'm sorry?!"
    Or to ask for another try?
    Will you forgive me for my wrongs,
    And not let true love simply pass you by?




    Submitted on 2004-09-02 07:58:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don’t know what happened between you and this person, but I think that if it was me, I would probably forgive you after reading this poem. It is so sweet of you to feel so sorry that you would write such a piece about it. (Then again, we writers write about everything…) I can’t imagine that anyone I have loved who has hurt me would ever apologize like this. (okay, so that was only one person…) People seem to do something and maybe they think “oh, I feel kind of bad… but I don’t want to say anything because they might get the wrong idea.” Yes, they may think is this just to say he’s sorry? Or does he want something more?
    This piece is really cute. I like it, and I love that it is so sincere. The only thing that bothered me was the length of the lines – some of them were much longer than the ones before them – it just didn’t sound right. So, below I “rewrote” your poem the way I think it would work better.

    This is just to say, “I’m sorry…”
    For all the wrong things I have done.
    Always leaving in a hurry
    I failed to see your pain for so long
    This is just to say, “I’m sorry…”
    For being indifferent and causing your pain.
    For my heart was hard and felt no worry,
    Of the scars that were to remain.
    This is just to say, “I’m sorry…”
    As inadequate as it may sound.
    I changed such a lovely story,
    But is a sad ending all that can be found?
    Is this just to say, “I’m sorry?!”
    Or to ask for another try?
    Will you forgive me for my wrongs
    And not let true love pass you by?

    But that is just me, and it is your poem, so be free to do with it what you will. I enjoyed this piece!

    -Cari
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      The repetition worked well in this piece, the sentiment conveyed was heart felt and genuine. The flow and scheme were good but could use a little polishing, other then that you have the main ingredient for good poetry, honesty, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      really... you have such a sensitive heart... you seem to always be apoligizing for wrongs you have committed and hurts caused...

    it can be so hard dealing with ppl... really it can coz we can hurt ppl without even realising and yeah... it is gutting to find out you have hurt them and sorry never seems to be enough...

    the words mean nothing though... im sorry means nothing these days... its the actions that support the words that mean anything... to say im sorry and to show it through trying to understand the person better so as not to hurt them again shows real sorry... ya know?

    the lovely story/bad ending part... i dont know if its the ending... perhaps just the end of an act... forgiveness coming forth in the very next scene when the unintentionality of the hurt is discovered and the depth of sorrow you feel for your actions...

    very expressive write... good stuff
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      i can understand where you coming from...
    i've written poems for ppl to forgive me and they nearly always work when well written and this is very well written. especially the part in the middle about the sounding inadequate. but believe me if you cared enough to write this your not inadequate.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by enchantress | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...
    it makes me a little edgey because I have been through these emotions before and appears that your ending with you not knowing, or giving a care to these feelings shown by your lover...you were quite unaware...

    in response to "i'm sorry"

    this is just to say "i'm sorry" that I could never really care,
    but when you open your eyes I will always be there...
    this is just to say "i'm sorry" for not understanding your pain and leaving you with so much sorrow
    when I have nothing to gain...this is just to say "i'm sorry" for all the things I put you through
    for I am a princess looking for my prince too...
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      (sigh) i hate when i read poems that are exactly what i'm going through. but at the same time, it's good to know that i'm not alone. but you know, i guess i can only use that quote by ruth sheppard "no one has ever done anything too bad to be forgiven". whatever you did couldn't have been that bad... anyway, i thought this was a very nice poem. know exactly how you feel...
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds desparate...You must have messed up bad. It's interesting how you change from talking of her Pain she held on to for so long...to "changed such a lovely story"...It's just like a relationship...pain and crap while you're in the middle of it...but when you look back it seems "lovely"...tend to remember the good stuff, huh?
    Hang in there...she might take you back, but you'll have to do some pretty big begging if you messed up as big as it sounds like.
    This is nice!
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      awwww i really like your poem. its so sweet. by writing something like this, it shows that you truly love the person it is aimed at, and that you really do wish for another try. i wish the person i loved would bother to write something like this for me, but that would just be a waste of a wish. he doesn't really seem to care about me anymore, oh well. i hope that whomever this poem was for that they accepted your apology. excellent write.

    -edward scissorhands
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by EdwardScissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem was good, but i especially liked the grammar, the use os speech marks etc. the rhymes were effec`tive inplaces, though some didn't quite fit. Perhaps that is something you could look back at if you re-wrote it, or if you write another similar poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by outsider | [ Reply to This ]
      From the standpoint of the recipient of this poem, it seems rather insincere about the hurt feelings inflicted in the relationship. While this may have been well-intended, it lacked heart and compassion.

    You write well. Keep striving for your best.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      John Dickinson was born in Virginia, but after a large education, moved to Deleware. Hmm… I would say that this is a really good poem to give to someone who things ended badly with, be it a lover or a friend, a parent you haven’t spoken to. It’s simple, but everyone can relate and feel what you’re saying. That is truly the sign of a good poem.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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