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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Departuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solitary_cross
    ASL Info:    19/female/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 92/107/24
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 445



    Description:
       This is a poem about confronting Death himself. I wrote this poem because of extreme depression about my life. I imagined how it was to feel dying in his hands.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeparturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It tasted pain...
    Anguish and torment...
    Lies concealed in truths
    You released my hand
    I fell...
    Never ending
    Never will it end...

    Lost...
    In the labyrinth of shadows
    And eyes
    Those eyes...
    Deep inside my barren soul
    I can't fully comprehend
    Why
    why
    WHY!
    A swift motion...
    A last breath...
    I'm cold...




    Submitted on 2004-09-02 08:10:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Liked your poem, but you should have emphesized more on the whole meeting death himself, rather than the dying part. with a little work this could be a masterpiece. keep up the good work.

    -edward scissorhands
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by EdwardScissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought your abbreviated word usage had a feel of an attack like a cutting edge of a knife. The focus was very self-absorbed, which is part of the depression cycle.

    You have some interesting ways of conveying your feelings through writing. I hope you will explore other avenues of thought and write more.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, confronting death is a cool idea, but this seemed more like a suicide poem, which is a lame poem to say the least. I would take out all of the little, dot...dot...dot...s, and replace them with spaces.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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