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    dots Submission Name: Departuredots

    Author: solitary_cross
    ASL Info:    19/female/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 92/107/24
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 445

       This is a poem about confronting Death himself. I wrote this poem because of extreme depression about my life. I imagined how it was to feel dying in his hands.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    It tasted pain...
    Anguish and torment...
    Lies concealed in truths
    You released my hand
    I fell...
    Never ending
    Never will it end...

    In the labyrinth of shadows
    And eyes
    Those eyes...
    Deep inside my barren soul
    I can't fully comprehend
    A swift motion...
    A last breath...
    I'm cold...

    Submitted on 2004-09-02 08:10:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Liked your poem, but you should have emphesized more on the whole meeting death himself, rather than the dying part. with a little work this could be a masterpiece. keep up the good work.

    -edward scissorhands
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by EdwardScissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought your abbreviated word usage had a feel of an attack like a cutting edge of a knife. The focus was very self-absorbed, which is part of the depression cycle.

    You have some interesting ways of conveying your feelings through writing. I hope you will explore other avenues of thought and write more.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, confronting death is a cool idea, but this seemed more like a suicide poem, which is a lame poem to say the least. I would take out all of the little, dot...dot...dot...s, and replace them with spaces.

    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]

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