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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Now I Knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: emo-tastic
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 571/566/128
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 672



    Description:
       Meh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNow I Knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "So, now you know"
    she sighed.
    she was done
    and no longer had
    to explain herself.

    No words came to my mouth
    only tears to my eyes
    as I had
    failed her and myself.

    An awkward pause
    filled the room
    and kissed each of us
    on the cheek.

    She glanced sideways
    waiting for a response
    and contemplating her thoughts.

    choking up
    I managed to eek out
    "I've Gotta Go"
    as I calmly walked to the door.

    Upon closing it
    I fled
    with only my thoughts
    as my friends.




    Submitted on 2004-09-02 08:19:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I felt this as I have been in that same room.U manage to convey the complete atmosphere by using simple language which is sometimes the best way of expressing real emotion, the only way.Thanks.
    | Posted on 2004-10-16 00:00:00 | by weepingwillow | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know that I agree that this is vague...there is just enough detail left out to allow the reader to interpret the words with their own personal skew on life and thus take away something unique after having read this. Enjoyed!
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good. i like it vague - it really makes you wonder what she told you. makes me think of a bunch of things. did you do or say something spiteful against her or to her not reallly knowing what she was going through? at first I thought she did something to you, but upon rereading it appeared to be to be the other way around. it seems like perhaps she isn't even aware of what you may have done.

    i'd be curious to know if you're sharing!

    i enjoyed this - thought provoking...
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. I too like how vague it is. I really like "An awkward pause/filled the room/and kissed each of us/on the cheek." Well done.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      fantastic imagery in this piece, i love the "kissed us on the cheek" bit, that was really well thought up, the way you structured the verss also cha the poem, for the better i feel, by making us read it as you intended. Im not altogether sure about the very first line "so now you know", i think that if you changed that, the rest o0f the verse tells me enough to know there has been a confession of some sort, i think that you don't want to tell it so obviously like that. The feeling of being betrayed is strong enough throughout the rest of the piece, this is assuming i interpreted it correctly. i liked it though, it was very simple but had another layer to it that we might not catch at first glance.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by outsider | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...its hard to tell what actually went on...but i sensed the persons words were hurtful or something they did was hurtful...and it was to much that you were at a loss for words...though thispiece is hard to understand because you jusy said enough to get across the frustration and sadness but nothing more...i really think this could use some detail...to fully explain what happend ...ange
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Obviously you had a very deep conversation with someone (perhaps a friend or relative) and they told you something truly shocking. You just couldn't take it so you felt like you had to walk off. I know that may have been totally off... but I really liked the vagueness. Tell me if I'm right at all.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is about your friends that maybe have betrayed you? I like this because it leaves the reader guessing. It seems very personal and emotional. Good write.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-09-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


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