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    dots Submission Name: Candlelight Lovedots

    Author: GhiHaD
    ASL Info:    22/Male/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 46/64/24
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 370


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    dotsCandlelight Lovedots

    Untie the flames that burn inside
    Engulfing pain and burning angst
    Leaping playfully over liquid fuel
    Yellow spirals within her eyes
    Flames licking from the blackend wick
    Scorching the air surrounding us
    Feel the heat that we produce
    Two become one in this moment of bliss
    Love will always bind us together

    Submitted on 2004-09-02 19:40:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Scorching the air surrounding us...what makes this successful for me is that you have plenty of lines like that...flames of course are popular as metaphors but I think you did a great job of bringing your own flavor to this...you have creativity along with clarity...to me pain can be that burning pleasure you get inside for someone else....rhyme shmyme...when the poem flows and the sounds are pleasing to the air it doesn't matter...and that's what you've achieved here...so all in all I'd say this is one of my favorite poems here so far....
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, it all starts with a great rhyme but, the rest doesn't rhyme well like it starts.. or maybe that's just me. Anyways, I kinda like it, it's ok. Keep it up, you can do better, not that this one was bad. =P
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by April0414 | [ Reply to This ]

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