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    dots Submission Name: Beyond Black Drapesdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 614
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 362


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    dotsBeyond Black Drapesdots

    My gift is my bane,
    for this poetic soul
    runs off of dreams
    like an old Chevrolet burns gasoline.
    Sometimes it sputters and backfires;
    sometimes I'm left stranded,
    but when this bright world proves fruitless,
    I visit the world behind the black drapes
    where I direct every film.

    Submitted on 2004-09-04 00:29:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i had a chevy, last car before this one..had it for 14 years...

    the headlights didn't have eyelids though...

    and the world certainly sputtered at times...i couldn't shut my eyes.
    | Posted on 2011-11-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds kinda like the mini-breakdown i had this week where i just went into myself... the world was too bright and scary, so i just beat a hasty retreat. i'm still recovering! very well said, amy, very well said.
    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece doesn't need to rhyme as it is called an artistic blend. Perhaps there is some hidden anguish. Such relevation of this piece is well-met.

    Thank You for your words and wisdom. But they are written for vivid visions. You will need to feel and undersderstand them as they are spoken by voice.

    *smiles* I thank you once again

    | Posted on 2004-09-04 00:00:00 | by mawwy | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you directed me to this piece, because I really like it. I like the analogy to an old chevy. I've felt like an old Chevy running on fumes, so that part really spoke to me. "proves fruitless" I think you could rephrase that, although I don't have any specific suggestions.
    I like the last line, I would change "every film" to *every scene* I forgot to mention that I really like the sounds of this piece. Very nice work! p.s. speaking of gifts being banes, I've wanted to quit (if you haven't noticed).
    | Posted on 2004-09-04 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the last line. It doesn't really rhyme, but then again, it doesn't have to, or shouldn't for that matter. I love the simile of the Chevrolet and gasoline. It just makes the whole poem so classic. Nice work.

    | Posted on 2004-09-04 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      when your world is too boring and unhappy you flee into your own world. I do that myself quite often. kids do that always but as asults we forget how to do that mostly. but sometimes we just need a break from reality. anyway I like the Chevrolet comparison in there, very vivid, and the ending is powerful. a really good poem, Amy. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-09-04 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      well this what I get from it. It's like you need help and when no one is there to help, you remember them. you helped them when they need it, but where are they when you need them. I enjoy the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-04 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]

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