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    dots Submission Name: tryingdots

    Author: natasha
    ASL Info:    15/f/brampton
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 113/159/52
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 505

       what can i say about this..... just a poem agian....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Sitting here trying to find what went wrong. what happend to our love so strong.
    friends ask if im over you and i say that i am.
    im trying to get you out of my head but nothings working.
    you hurt me bad, broke my heart, and things just fell abart.
    Im trying to get you out of me but its so hard when you hurt me.
    I gave you all of me doesnt that mean something?
    trying to hard to fix something thats un fixable
    when you walking with her and holding her.

    Submitted on 2004-09-05 20:19:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      its not too bad. couldnt you try to be less straight foward though? poems dont really need a rhyme scheme but you could try to be a little more intelectual. youre on the right path though. at least youre writing how you feel. keep it up :
    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by BrokenRose | [ Reply to This ]
      Good piece... a few typos and I thought that maybe you shouldn't make the first line rhyme because the rest of the piece doesn't... besides that I thought it was nice.. a good way to express yourself and always rememeber that there will be other guys. Good luck.
    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      No, I loved this, cause it sounds EXACTLY what I'm going through right now, i'm soooo sorry that you're going through this if this is based on your own happenings...everyone that gives themselves away should feel like that is coming back from the one they're sharing everything with...but this world sucks because it's not always like that...I loved this. it was beautiful...
    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by Cydsecret | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG! I AM GOING EXACTLY THROUGH THAT! It sucks big time... . Anywho, I think its really good. Maybe if you'd organize the stanzas the readers can get better understanding of your feelings, but I still felt everything and related my emotions to yours because I'm going through something exactly the same. Keep writing.

    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by nj | [ Reply to This ]
      ok Hey friend, know that i understand your longing. to be filled and fullfilled by love. the one who meant the word to you. but through these days of pain... know that its not the end, there is a light out there. there is some one right for you. as the poem goes i can only that the littl things u might consider say ;...
    things just fell abart. (apart)
    trying to (so, or too) hard to fix something thats un fixable ...
    everything else seems right! good luck with your writing and good luck with your heart.
    you will fall in love many times if you choose to
    | Posted on 2004-09-05 00:00:00 | by ibelikeso | [ Reply to This ]

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