Trees drop their leaves
The winter is coming
Two becomes one
Storms tears up the skies
Waters shall freeze
I can see you breathe
As a cloud it spreads
Snow under our feet
Slowly it smelts
Again the flowers reach out
Ah, lovely poem as it has been said four other times. I do agree that you should maybe work no it again, add some descriptions to make it even more intense!
This poem painted a scene of two people walking along a road, a man and a woman. They hold hands as autumn slowly fades into winter, the cold air envelopes them and they stop at a bench to rest. As they do this she can see his breath...she smiles and follows the breath to his feet. Snow. With a smile they both stand and begin walking forward again, flowers popping up behind them.
i like this and i would have loved to have read the full version. just what you have still captures the heart. it is beautiful. you are a good writter, i have a read a few of yours now and i like all the ones i read. great work.
oooh i like it! where two become one thats so sweet and like emo said seeing your breath is intimate and this poem has a sense of romance in it, just a wonderful little peice you wrote here. great job -steph
What.emo said...storms tear up the sky? slowly it melts? I liked this but I think you have room to add in more detail to make this a lovely detailed poem with 2 themes. Liked the forsty breath turning into clouds...room for development. Best wishes