Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sinnerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rainmaker
    ASL Info:    23 / M / Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 45/50/19
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Sorry
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 714



    Description:
       This is lil peace of lyrics i managed to get on with, its simple - but hey its metal lyrics. As you all know metal and rock needs to be simple and played loud. You might want to test some notes with it since i have not found any song to fit it in.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSinnerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was alone
    Banished from home
    What did i do
    to become like you?

    Who are we
    to castigate
    the believers?
    Don't we know?

    We are the sinners
    Judgement of heathens
    Blades will cut
    Us a way

    Wind will blow
    To our blades
    The sound is low
    Death it makes

    We were the sinners
    We judged the heathens
    Blood was our way
    Were we right ?

    Now its the time
    To pay of our
    Endless crime
    Not so sour

    I can still see
    The men I've slain
    The women I've raped
    All inside my head




    Submitted on 2004-09-07 07:37:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this peice is very dark and i have never read anything like it. it is very unique and it captivates the reader, puts them in a spiral of being the cause. i think that it's darkness is what makes it great. it will definitely be added to my favourites list. thanx for doing what we all are afraid to do.
    | Posted on 2004-09-08 00:00:00 | by Jesimine | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this alot. Its very dark and it makes the reader so caught in the moment. You've opened a window that alot of writers dont dare to open. It totally gave a whole different perspective. Usually writers are writing as a victim, instead you wrote as the causer of pain. Well written and very original
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by Ang | [ Reply to This ]
      Great lyrics, pretty dark but I definetly do see metal in that Kick ass. Rock on. So you are actually a musician? I do agree w/ nameless_nobody about the name, you call it sinner too many people will expect too much from it and even though it is great they will be disapointed. But that is because people suck oh well great write. I will def. read more from you.
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by Kapone | [ Reply to This ]
      its very good but you cant call a metal song sinner. there will only ever be one metal song called sinner and thats by drowning pool. so change your title. but it does rock. put it so a heavy bass line, very heavy not too complicated and just crank it up. its dark which i like. get yourself a decent troll mask and you could be the new mortis. rock on! mlln m/
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Throw this in microsoft word and it will shine better once you eliminate a few basic errors. I like the idea for this but I feel the way you connect all the dots makes this poem a little vague ...or you lose a little of the punch in delivery. best wishes...worthy of refinement :
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    23391

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry