Panda Eyes by jaycee

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Submission Name: Panda Eyes dots

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Author:	jaycee
ASL Info:	38/F/ Texas
Elite Ratio:	4.85 - 2410/1167/153
Words:	97

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	355
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	596

Description:
This is up on the forum section. It was one of those word challenges. make what you will of it.

Panda Eyes dots

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Panda Eyes

Staring with your dark panda eyes,
Lips hinting a smile,
The carrot offering
You beckon me
To play your game of souls.
Will I be redeamed or damned?
I fear death is the promise of those eyes
Camouflaged in an angelic visage.
Like a whore peddling sex
At an anti-disestablishmentarianism convention,
I am ripped from my element.
Wary of the risks,
Searching those secretive panda eyes,
Tentively, I offer my soul.
Damnded or redeemed I play.

Submitted on 2004-09-08 19:04:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  comments, lots of comments for this piece... probably for the title... at least thats why I read this. I think that it is a good piece. I agree with secret moon. I think that you should either elaborate or condense... in the state that it is in the write is a little confusing. Anyways... pandas are pretty.
LeAnna
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  i enjoyed reading this. that's really all i can think of to say. i'm not quite sure what it's about to you, but i like it that way...because it gives the reader a chance to apply to his or her own life. which is always wonderful.
| Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty cool. . . that one BIGGGGGGGGG word through me for a loop. I definitely am not asking you to change it, but it just kinda hit me in the middle of the forehead. . . awesome. I think this could probably be written a little more clearly. . . here's my ideas. . .

Staring into me with your dark panda eyes,
Your lips
Hinting a wanton smile -
The carrot offering -
You beckon me
To play your game of souls.
Will I be redeemed or
Will I be damned?

Those are my ideas anyway. If you don't use these, maybe you could do something to make it a little clearer, in a way that it maintains it mysteriousness but is easier to read. . . does that make sense?
-Secret
| Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is intelligently written...the language and imagery is interesting and strikes out in each line...
What lies behind those panda eyes?...she examines the risk against the possiblities and takes the plunge. excellent write....good luck on the manuscript
| Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  did you change anything on this? you posted this a few months back. Are you alright?? OR am i seeing things?? sometimes I read comments anhd see they say this. next thing i know it's different.
| Posted on 2004-09-08 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]

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