Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black and White Scenedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 664



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack and White Scenedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This scene
    should play in black and white
    with a slow pan in from the camera
    and mood lighting
    forming long shadows
    that move with the heartbreaking music.

    You leave me in the rain
    on a vacant street at night
    after kissing me passionately
    while stroking my hair
    and whispering sweetly into my ear
    not knowing it's our last goodbye.

    But this is not a movie
    There's no cello music
    To draw out the tears
    The pain is a knife in your gut
    Though your eyes are dry
    And it's not over
    After the credits have rolled




    Submitted on 2004-09-09 03:00:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i so love the black and white thing! and cello, well, i think you know my love of the cello! learah thinks i'm nuts! lol! anyway, i liked the picture this painted, very melancholy and like an old black and white movie. i felt like i was in an old theatre with a bag of popcorn, crying my eyes out! it's longer than most of your works... not that that means anything! great job! is this new?
    | Posted on 2004-09-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhh, I do like this... I'm on something of a black and white kick, being totally in love with my gal-pal girlinthephoto, she uses a lot of black and white photographs, and strangely enough, as a result, whenever I read her poetry the scenes I visualise are in B&W too!)

    This is good... it's not that long tho lol! But I liked it.. I liked the old feel it gave me, the stroking hair and in my eyes I could hear an old locomotive giving a final hooting whistle as its wreathes of steam billowed around two embracing lovers, she standing with a one-legged teeter as they kissed.. it's very sad tho.. I like heartbreaking music too... but what happened? why was it the last kiss?!
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of something I heard or read once, though I can't really put a finger on it. It's a bit longer than you usually write, so that's cool. I like the beginning and the ending best. The beginning is very well written and spaced. The pause after "This scene" is very vocal. And the ending is well, just neat and insightful. Bravo!
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very powerful Amy. I have recently watched a movie and thought about the way in took me into the flow, so the credits were a kind of... ending, to the time (a second) I understood it's just a movie. A hell good one. And the idea of standing in a rain reminds me one of Basia Trzetrzelewska's music videos, it was probably "Cruising for bruising", where there was such scene. Oh, sorry, just having thoughts. Beautiful piece.
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      i have a picture like bogart & bergman in 'casablanca'...nicely done. not sure about 'sobering' to describe the music in line 6-thinking more like 'melodramatic', but that doesn't seem to fit either. all those old movies [ones i mostly like] seem to have that type of musical score. anyway, not sure whether that word works or not. other than that very minor thing, excellent write. you seem to be out of your funk. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      life isn't the movies. that sucks. imagine you could choose which movie your life is, what would you choose?? hmmmm...
    anyway something longer from you. I like it. you've drawn a pretty clear picture of the scene. my favortie part was
    ' And mood lighting
    Forming long shadows
    That move with the sobering music'
    great lines and a great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    23638

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry