[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Black and White Scenedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 664


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack and White Scenedots

    This scene
    should play in black and white
    with a slow pan in from the camera
    and mood lighting
    forming long shadows
    that move with the heartbreaking music.

    You leave me in the rain
    on a vacant street at night
    after kissing me passionately
    while stroking my hair
    and whispering sweetly into my ear
    not knowing it's our last goodbye.

    But this is not a movie
    There's no cello music
    To draw out the tears
    The pain is a knife in your gut
    Though your eyes are dry
    And it's not over
    After the credits have rolled

    Submitted on 2004-09-09 03:00:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i so love the black and white thing! and cello, well, i think you know my love of the cello! learah thinks i'm nuts! lol! anyway, i liked the picture this painted, very melancholy and like an old black and white movie. i felt like i was in an old theatre with a bag of popcorn, crying my eyes out! it's longer than most of your works... not that that means anything! great job! is this new?
    | Posted on 2004-09-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhh, I do like this... I'm on something of a black and white kick, being totally in love with my gal-pal girlinthephoto, she uses a lot of black and white photographs, and strangely enough, as a result, whenever I read her poetry the scenes I visualise are in B&W too!)

    This is good... it's not that long tho lol! But I liked it.. I liked the old feel it gave me, the stroking hair and in my eyes I could hear an old locomotive giving a final hooting whistle as its wreathes of steam billowed around two embracing lovers, she standing with a one-legged teeter as they kissed.. it's very sad tho.. I like heartbreaking music too... but what happened? why was it the last kiss?!
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of something I heard or read once, though I can't really put a finger on it. It's a bit longer than you usually write, so that's cool. I like the beginning and the ending best. The beginning is very well written and spaced. The pause after "This scene" is very vocal. And the ending is well, just neat and insightful. Bravo!
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very powerful Amy. I have recently watched a movie and thought about the way in took me into the flow, so the credits were a kind of... ending, to the time (a second) I understood it's just a movie. A hell good one. And the idea of standing in a rain reminds me one of Basia Trzetrzelewska's music videos, it was probably "Cruising for bruising", where there was such scene. Oh, sorry, just having thoughts. Beautiful piece.
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      i have a picture like bogart & bergman in 'casablanca'...nicely done. not sure about 'sobering' to describe the music in line 6-thinking more like 'melodramatic', but that doesn't seem to fit either. all those old movies [ones i mostly like] seem to have that type of musical score. anyway, not sure whether that word works or not. other than that very minor thing, excellent write. you seem to be out of your funk. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      life isn't the movies. that sucks. imagine you could choose which movie your life is, what would you choose?? hmmmm...
    anyway something longer from you. I like it. you've drawn a pretty clear picture of the scene. my favortie part was
    ' And mood lighting
    Forming long shadows
    That move with the sobering music'
    great lines and a great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-09 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Every..... written by jackz
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]