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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: brokenmuse
    ASL Info:    26/F/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 756/734/161
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 273

       just screwing around, random thoughts, but i liked it so i decided to submit it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Like moans
    Softly covered
    By your sweet kisses and candlelight
    Playing on the walls
    Like the smoke from my cigarette
    Shifting, curling
    Dancing like demons
    In the madness of a dream

    Submitted on 2004-02-24 12:09:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      WOw! am very impressed that you have managed to shift styles so profoundly and have achieved such a beautiful spare style that uses rich images that I can imagine. What i liked most about this was the sensuous mental picture I got, in spite of the skeletal wording. This avoided trite or superficial by some artistry i have not put my finger on, but I suspect it was by not over elaborating or slamming the readed with soft enveloping feeling of langorous bliss that such a mood invokes. can almost see a person stretching with all the pleasure of a well fed cat....brilliant. koster
    | Posted on 2007-12-27 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this, it was short, yet managed to capture a good point.
    | Posted on 2004-02-24 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This a great little write! I liked all the "s" sounds, and how it starts with single words then each line builds.That with the smoke/shadow imagery mezmerizes..charms...Very good wrote! Silver
    | Posted on 2004-02-24 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the smoke images. This is very vivid and well-written.
    | Posted on 2004-02-24 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      great imagery... alot packed into so few words... would prolly take away the effect by adding anything to it... keep em coming
    | Posted on 2004-02-24 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

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