Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Sense Of Trustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the apocrypha
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185/192/48
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 989



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Sense Of Trustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Too much or not enough

    We were never able to decide
    And whatever brought us here
    Will hopefully take us back
    Even though all I can hear
    Is promises of better things to do
    Than wasting my time excusing you

    Summoned out of thin air

    Descending through layers
    Of memories and souvenirs
    You should have known that to
    Commit myself entirely to you
    I'd need a thousand sacrifices
    To know that I couldn't ever sacrifice
    What you are to my senses

    Like a radar of fate

    What path did make me cross your way
    Forgiven for everything yet still
    Finding comfort in dismay
    Break, twist, rip and shatter
    Whatever it is does it really matter
    What it could be

    If we weren't so mined with precaution
    Blasting out of
    Our desperately screaming
    Overwhelming emotions.




    Submitted on 2004-09-09 15:00:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this, however, there are two lines that hit funny to me:
    "Like a radar of fate"
    and
    "If we weren't so mined with precaution"

    The imagery of both lines are very good, but the whole feel of the poem is very organic, so those two just feel out of place in the context of the whole poem. I did enjoy it alot though.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a unique look at trust, and its many levels of give and take.
    The piece seems to speak of many other things, but the need for trust underlies many of the images. I especially like the sacrifices for sense.
    An interesting and creative write. Well done.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    23686

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry