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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Moments From a Freewaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 29
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 694
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 215



    Description:
       Nature is shrinking, and civilization is growing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoments From a Freewaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The geese flew low,
    their bodies flecked,
    their wings fluttering
    over the calm pond
    surrounded by a sparse
    yet rugged forest
    moments from a freeway.






    Submitted on 2004-09-10 04:45:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this, the short, dramatic lines, and the way the scene shows the adaptation of the wild birds to the interloping freeway. When someone tells a less experienced writer to show not tell, this is the poem that should be used as a good example.
    Have a great weekend,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice meter in this gives the piece a sense of quiet and the imagery is very good...I liked the length of the lines and rhythm...slow and controlled like the strokes of the birds wings....I liked that contrast between serenity and mayhem...but you lead us into it with the sparse forest...so it's not a complete surpise....kind of gets me thinking about the timelessness of nature and us...wondering who will outlast who? Enjoyable piece
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      you paint a wonderful picture. I can see it before my eyes. isn't it amazing how such opposites, the raw nature and a freeway, can exist next to each other?? but unfortunately freeways get more and more and nature less and less. sad.
    anyway great little poem here. very well done, Amy.
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I think I like read a hidden meaning in that or maybe I'm just crazy. I like it I could actually see a flock of geese flying over a pond surrounded by forest and then a little on the other side of that a noisy freeway with cars and trucks honking and music blasting from some. I'm in one of the cars, I look up, wow, how beautiful. That's the picture I got. It's good.
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like seeing geese and ducks fly in formation...one of nature's cool sights i think people take for granted. nice job here-i like the way this takes a single moment and defines it. did you mean 'flex' instead of 'fleck' in line 2? just wanted to point it out in case you made a mistake [it works either way].
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Heya Ames!
    (that's a freaky pic, I love the way you take the pi.ss out of yourself)

    This was unusual, quite different from your ordinary work. I've often thought, whilst driving on motorways or flying in planes, when I see a patch of land with trees or a lake or something, "wow, just think of all the nature and life that's going on there." Two opposite regimes of life that exist side-by-side.

    One thing that I found a bit odd was the picket fence. Why is there a fence around the pond when it's in the middle of the forest? I like the way you used flecked... you know how we have these pre-emptive sides when reading poetry, kinda second guessing the next lines? I thought you'd use "flocked"... but flecked it great because it kind of combines the two. Know what I mean?
    A good poem.. not your best but certainly pleasing all the same :)
    | Posted on 2004-09-10 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]


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