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    dots Submission Name: Like Chiffondots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 292


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    dotsLike Chiffondots

    You still want your medicine
    coated in honey,
    your truth swaddled in lies
    and served with a kiss
    on a silver plate,
    but your beautiful fiction
    is like chiffon
    and can hardly camouflage
    this soul-rotting reality.

    Submitted on 2004-09-12 04:44:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is really good and speaks volumes about a lot of people 'round here... well, not necessarily on this site, but 'round the world, i guess is what i'm saying. people deal in lies and deception every day. pretty soon it all comes out in the wash. gets hard to keep track of all the lies. your reference to covering up the "soul-rotting reality" with chiffon is just brilliant! a true Amy-ism!
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is great. Its short but its solid, it doesn't need to be longer. I really like the line "beautiful fiction". I really like the way you talk about sugar coating the truth or anything that could be hard to swallow.
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      But your beautiful fiction
    Is like chiffon

    I love it. You continue to amaze me, with your short but loaded poetry about life. This poem is specific enough that everyone can interpret it their own way.

    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      This could be the credo for many of my favorite detractors of late. This was a solid, hard-hitting, in-your-face indictment. The metaphor of medicine and truth worked quite well to deliver the knock-out punch in the final line.

    Excellent as always CD.
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you miss a 'r' after 'you' in the first line. a little typo. anyway I like the chiffon too (I don't think it needs to be explained but what do I know??). your word choice is great but I would break up the lines 'And served with a kiss/ on a silver plate' differently. what about 'And served/ with a kiss on a silver plate'?? but thats just me. it's a really good poem as it is. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really don't know how people can you can write free style poetry and still make it sound like it has meaning over and over gain. The odd one of mine will make sense. Anyway, for me, this one took a while to sink in, maybe its the lack of sleep from having to get for school, but when it did, I really liked it. The comparison to chiffon was really nice and the beautiful fiction line was great poetry. I do think that there should a full stop (or some kind of punctuation) after 'silver plate' as the next line is on a different subject. That's my only critism.
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      i like where you're going with this one Amy but i feel that it didnt have the impact your poems normally have. i love the analogy of chiffon.. something associated with beauty and softness etc..that tries to cover up the "rot" but it never can...
    i found the line 'beautiful fiction' intriguing..is that all writers try to do? cover up the bruises with beautiful words? maybe it's because of where i am now in my writing that it made me think that.. i dont know... (or were you just using fiction in the sense of lies/making up stories?)
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]

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