Like Chiffon -------------------------------------------
You still want your medicine
coated in honey,
your truth swaddled in lies
and served with a kiss
on a silver plate,
but your beautiful fiction
is like chiffon
and can hardly camouflage
this soul-rotting reality.
this is really good and speaks volumes about a lot of people 'round here... well, not necessarily on this site, but 'round the world, i guess is what i'm saying. people deal in lies and deception every day. pretty soon it all comes out in the wash. gets hard to keep track of all the lies. your reference to covering up the "soul-rotting reality" with chiffon is just brilliant! a true Amy-ism!
this poem is great. Its short but its solid, it doesn't need to be longer. I really like the line "beautiful fiction". I really like the way you talk about sugar coating the truth or anything that could be hard to swallow.
This could be the credo for many of my favorite detractors of late. This was a solid, hard-hitting, in-your-face indictment. The metaphor of medicine and truth worked quite well to deliver the knock-out punch in the final line.
I think you miss a 'r' after 'you' in the first line. a little typo. anyway I like the chiffon too (I don't think it needs to be explained but what do I know??). your word choice is great but I would break up the lines 'And served with a kiss/ on a silver plate' differently. what about 'And served/ with a kiss on a silver plate'?? but thats just me. it's a really good poem as it is. well done.
I really don't know how people can you can write free style poetry and still make it sound like it has meaning over and over gain. The odd one of mine will make sense. Anyway, for me, this one took a while to sink in, maybe its the lack of sleep from having to get for school, but when it did, I really liked it. The comparison to chiffon was really nice and the beautiful fiction line was great poetry. I do think that there should a full stop (or some kind of punctuation) after 'silver plate' as the next line is on a different subject. That's my only critism.
i like where you're going with this one Amy but i feel that it didnt have the impact your poems normally have. i love the analogy of chiffon.. something associated with beauty and softness etc..that tries to cover up the "rot" but it never can... i found the line 'beautiful fiction' intriguing..is that all writers try to do? cover up the bruises with beautiful words? maybe it's because of where i am now in my writing that it made me think that.. i dont know... (or were you just using fiction in the sense of lies/making up stories?)