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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nagow
    ASL Info:    20/f/Denmark
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 56/70/29
    Words: 32
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 884
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 201



    Description:
       This just came to me while I rode my bike to school..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Things on my mind
    Making me blind
    In this time
    That sjould be mine

    Words in my head
    that should be said
    they were all dead
    before they were met




    Submitted on 2004-09-12 11:17:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      kinda short and sweet, if you know what i mean... it could probably stand to be a bit longer and less "mechanical" as blt said. I like the message but the medium seems like it could use a little work
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
      This rhyming seems kind of mechanical. Maybe if you tried free verse you could get more feeling of what you are trying to vent about. Just a thought. Keep trying.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      simple typo in line 4..."sjould" should be "should" but i cant type so i am really not the one to preach on that. lol. i like this piece, its how i feel when i write most days. completely blocked up witht htoughts and words that need to come out some how...and so i sit down with a pen and papaer or keyboard and screen and just go.
    in the lsat line of the poem you kind of lose me. i am not sure what you are saying there and it doesnt quite rhyme. it may be me, just somehting i noticed. good write over all. just those two things. ^5. PS
    | Posted on 2004-09-12 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]


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