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Let Me Be There

Author: J. A. Clark
ASL Info:    25/m/GA
Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 50 /51 /12
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 729
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 456


Just a random poem at 230 am...i did spend about forty five minutes revising and it's not so much of the wreck that it was, but it's still got some dings and dents that need to be worked out...any ideas, opinions, etc. will be appreciated...thanks for taking the time to read this.

Let Me Be There

Let me be there when you cry,
so I can hold you
and wipe the pain from your eyes.

Let me be there when you're glad,
and we'll paint pictures
to remember when you're sad.

Let me be there when you stumble,
to pick you up
unless I too should tumble.

Let me be there through your life,
say "Yes" to me,
tell me you'll be my wife.

Submitted on 2004-09-13 01:28:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Let me be there through your life,
say "Yes" to me,
tell me you'll be my wife.

Sorry to say...but i like it...haha...but really I really enjoyed these lines...if someone asked me to marry them this way I would melt or even if a guy wrote something like this about me...I would swell...and I would stutter constantly...I won't complain about any of it...because I don't like it when people try to analyze my stuff and assume the wrong thing or say something "this doesn't go with your rhyming scheme" [censored] it goes there if I want it too...
| Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it! There were a few confusing things, such as...
"and we'll paint pictures
to remember when you're sad."
It's a very interesting concept (and I mean that because it's cool, the picture being a ray of sunshine when things aren't going well), but on first impression it sounds like the pictures are being used to remember what it was like while she was sad, which she wouldn't want to do! Work on that. Also, when you say "unless I too should stumble" try something more along the lines of "unless I should also stumble". I didn't really like that line because, why if she stumbles will you stumble? I understand it but. . . I don't like it. Sorry.
Anyhoo, there's a lot of good stuff here, keep workin on it.
| Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
  hey good proposal. i liked the last line. I think you forgot t in paint. First i was like what does the author wants to say that has so much metaphor, after a while i figured its paint. nice poem I liked it.
| Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by sjayant | [ Reply to This ]

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