Was the summer of the bloody moon
only witness to my killing
unreachable, and so I worry
the beam reflects from eyes of me
and then you'll see what I have seen
the murder scene of the obscene
As I would be that morbid beast.
My sight at night denies to glare a glaze of dreaded spears,
to stare at me would spark the mark, as tragedy appears
the blue declares a lunar freeze of lucid fear
the fear this man would wear
would smear his face with blood but not a single tear
A diabolical despair will disappear
as all my cares have shown why I'm demented,
I'm drenching blood, for such a million dollar death sentence.
| The only part I was able to decipher made me think you are a werewolf. And if you are...that's cool...but something tells me that's not what you were trying to get across. It's a good piece, I like the phrase "glare a glaze" best; you have an interesting way with words. But I'm rereading and rereading and all I'm getting is that the narrator is a werewolf.||| Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ] || WHATS UP WITH THE #8217 thing?!?! Could someone please explani this to me! I don't understand... geesh. I feel so out of it. PLEASE ELAIN WHAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN! Oh, and by the way, I liked your poem. I like the complexity especially. Some say that makes it hard to understand but I think it only adds to the beauty of the poem. Anywho, um could you please explain the #8217 thing to me? *so confused* ||| Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by Kali | [ Reply to This ] || I really liked this poem. I love to read something from someone who gets "it", you know, that most things that are real are not visible to the typical Christian mind. They are all around us, in the minds of men who are condemned. And I love the title, Lunar Madness. I myself am entirely in love with the moon!||| Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ] || Unfortunately I am not into the gothic-type of subject matter or the obsession with blood and death and all of that, so I found it difficult to get into this piece. Also, I don't know what causes the #8217-thing, but it is very distracting...|
But to critique the poetic form of this, there is no pattern at all here. The first paragraph has only two random lines that rhyme but then it seems as though you are trying to rhyme each line in the second paragraph up until the last two lines which completely fall out of the pattern and do not rhyme. Very disorganized from that standpoint...
Sorry I could not be more supportive, but those were my first impressions...
|| Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ] |