Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The 4 year drought of my eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 307
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       YEah so I really am just posting this for myself.... its the first totally new thing I have written in over a month and I needed to get it out after an almost 2 hour long phone caonversation I had last night that I dont know wheather to think it a good one a bad one or if the situation is now indifferent.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe 4 year drought of my eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tear down the dam
    So the river heart can flow free
    from deep canyon eyes

    For the country of my face
    has known only drought far too long

    Yet the water can not heal
    the cracked earth of this voice
    and the trees are all dead inside this mind

    So tear down this dam
    Let the river evaporate
    Because the country that starves
    shall see no tears from me




    Submitted on 2004-09-13 08:56:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       Just wrote this to yourself huh?...well I thank you for sharing with us...it is beautiful as always...I don't think there is one poem of yours yet I have not liked...truly glad you stayed when you saw Nancy's work...glad you didn't skip off...like so many are doing now.
    This was awsome John...
    Keep it coming...fans are pounding...lol
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Good one. I think you should capitalize river heart in line 2. So it sounds like an actual river. Does that seem stupid to everybody but me? I dunno but that's automatically what I thought of when I read it. It's a metaphor so it should be capitalized to stand for the real thing. Ya know?
    | Posted on 2004-11-02 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the title is really cool, made me read it..though personally my droughts don't get to four DAYS but i'm a mess. this has a really personal feel, like giving yourself a pep talk, I've written a lot of things like that to myself and i hope this helped you like that.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, alright. So the metaphor is held constant and kept in focus. YAY! Now what does it mean? Well, I liked the first 2 stanzas best because they are extremely clear, despite their abstract nature. Which is f'ing awesome as that's a skill you have been gradually developing. In the third stanza it still makes sense what you're saying, and the imagery is very evocative. I like that too. I only get confused in the last part. Tear down the dam, because this country [your face] will see no tears from you. But doesn't tearing down the dam release the tears? I guess you're saying you can't shed tears until you do tear down the dam, which I suppose is some kind of internal barrier. So it does make sense from that angle. Very nice, again kudos on the consistency and the focus, and the very fine use of metaphor.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      The use of metaphor in this was very clever and descriptive. In the second line of the second stanza "to long" should be "too long."

    A very powerful and emotive write. So few words really brought out a great deal of heart.

    Well done!
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Very somberly articulated with a cadence that
    spellbinds. I see you want to let out your emotions yet you can see no purpose your hype will serve You just want to be set free from your starved emotional inability.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    To written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry