Description: YEah so I really am just posting this for myself.... its the first totally new thing I have written in over a month and I needed to get it out after an almost 2 hour long phone caonversation I had last night that I dont know wheather to think it a good one a bad one or if the situation is now indifferent.
The 4 year drought of my eyes -------------------------------------------
Tear down the dam
So the river heart can flow free
from deep canyon eyes
For the country of my face
has known only drought far too long
Yet the water can not heal
the cracked earth of this voice
and the trees are all dead inside this mind
So tear down this dam
Let the river evaporate
Because the country that starves
shall see no tears from me
Just wrote this to yourself huh?...well I thank you for sharing with us...it is beautiful as always...I don't think there is one poem of yours yet I have not liked...truly glad you stayed when you saw Nancy's work...glad you didn't skip off...like so many are doing now. This was awsome John... Keep it coming...fans are pounding...lol
Good one. I think you should capitalize river heart in line 2. So it sounds like an actual river. Does that seem stupid to everybody but me? I dunno but that's automatically what I thought of when I read it. It's a metaphor so it should be capitalized to stand for the real thing. Ya know?
i think the title is really cool, made me read it..though personally my droughts don't get to four DAYS but i'm a mess. this has a really personal feel, like giving yourself a pep talk, I've written a lot of things like that to myself and i hope this helped you like that.
Wow, alright. So the metaphor is held constant and kept in focus. YAY! Now what does it mean? Well, I liked the first 2 stanzas best because they are extremely clear, despite their abstract nature. Which is f'ing awesome as that's a skill you have been gradually developing. In the third stanza it still makes sense what you're saying, and the imagery is very evocative. I like that too. I only get confused in the last part. Tear down the dam, because this country [your face] will see no tears from you. But doesn't tearing down the dam release the tears? I guess you're saying you can't shed tears until you do tear down the dam, which I suppose is some kind of internal barrier. So it does make sense from that angle. Very nice, again kudos on the consistency and the focus, and the very fine use of metaphor.
Very somberly articulated with a cadence that spellbinds. I see you want to let out your emotions yet you can see no purpose your hype will serve You just want to be set free from your starved emotional inability.