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    dots Submission Name: The 4 year drought of my eyesdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 307
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687

       YEah so I really am just posting this for myself.... its the first totally new thing I have written in over a month and I needed to get it out after an almost 2 hour long phone caonversation I had last night that I dont know wheather to think it a good one a bad one or if the situation is now indifferent.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe 4 year drought of my eyesdots

    Tear down the dam
    So the river heart can flow free
    from deep canyon eyes

    For the country of my face
    has known only drought far too long

    Yet the water can not heal
    the cracked earth of this voice
    and the trees are all dead inside this mind

    So tear down this dam
    Let the river evaporate
    Because the country that starves
    shall see no tears from me

    Submitted on 2004-09-13 08:56:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       Just wrote this to yourself huh?...well I thank you for sharing with us...it is beautiful as always...I don't think there is one poem of yours yet I have not liked...truly glad you stayed when you saw Nancy's work...glad you didn't skip off...like so many are doing now.
    This was awsome John...
    Keep it coming...fans are pounding...lol
    | Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Good one. I think you should capitalize river heart in line 2. So it sounds like an actual river. Does that seem stupid to everybody but me? I dunno but that's automatically what I thought of when I read it. It's a metaphor so it should be capitalized to stand for the real thing. Ya know?
    | Posted on 2004-11-02 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the title is really cool, made me read it..though personally my droughts don't get to four DAYS but i'm a mess. this has a really personal feel, like giving yourself a pep talk, I've written a lot of things like that to myself and i hope this helped you like that.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, alright. So the metaphor is held constant and kept in focus. YAY! Now what does it mean? Well, I liked the first 2 stanzas best because they are extremely clear, despite their abstract nature. Which is f'ing awesome as that's a skill you have been gradually developing. In the third stanza it still makes sense what you're saying, and the imagery is very evocative. I like that too. I only get confused in the last part. Tear down the dam, because this country [your face] will see no tears from you. But doesn't tearing down the dam release the tears? I guess you're saying you can't shed tears until you do tear down the dam, which I suppose is some kind of internal barrier. So it does make sense from that angle. Very nice, again kudos on the consistency and the focus, and the very fine use of metaphor.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      The use of metaphor in this was very clever and descriptive. In the second line of the second stanza "to long" should be "too long."

    A very powerful and emotive write. So few words really brought out a great deal of heart.

    Well done!
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Very somberly articulated with a cadence that
    spellbinds. I see you want to let out your emotions yet you can see no purpose your hype will serve You just want to be set free from your starved emotional inability.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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