Very thought-provoking! I'm not a fan of long poems most of the time, not because I'm too lazy to read them, but because they so often overanalyze the subject. You have created a very potent picture using a spare choice of words, and I say BRAVO to you. Definitely cool. -Secret
I'd say too that short and sweet does the job here. (If that made sense.) This was a pleasant read and though it is not complicated, the scene is very easy to picture. Nice work and thanks for posting.