Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The (not so) perfect womandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 513
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       this was inspired by "The Perfect Woman" by Havoc. His piece hit close to home for me. I know this piece is probably cliché in ways, but I wrote it cause I needed it to get out some stuff from my head. What can I say except the woman who inspired " The things you should/n't know" read it, and I dunno whats going on anymore. So yeah I dont know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe (not so) perfect womandots
    -------------------------------------------


    The perfect woman
    the one who breaks your heart
    the one you find belongs to another

    A woman you’d die for
    A love in vain
    because fate is against you

    The perfect woman
    knows what you’re thinking
    knows your heart is true

    Calls you brother
    though no blood connects

    The perfect woman
    who breaks your heart
    loves you
    but it will never be the same




    Submitted on 2004-09-13 14:33:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good poem, it most surely leaves one longing..., hmmm, like hanging...Thanks...Good write. l liked how you ended it, that gave the longing feeling effect quite a punch.
    | Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
      Somehow I feel that I will never find my perfect woman-mostly because it would have to be a guy. Anyway, I do know the problem of loving in vain, since I did it for 4 years straight, but I've finally gotten away from NOT telling everything the way it is to telling people how I feel when I do so feel. I wish you the best of luck, and I have to comment on more of your pieces, because they're phenomenal. -Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-09-28 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      argh...hits too close to home for too many times...hell this hits so close to home i think i lived in a crater while reading it;) i wish i could say more but all i can say is you got me, you nailed it.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      its so sad, you love this woman and she loves you as a brother i'm guessing. i would say thats a terrible feeling but you could look at the bright side, at least she loves you right? you'd rather be with her as a friend than not be with her at all? maybe i'm looking at it in the wrong way. good luck with everything
    -steph
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Why must people on here [like Bailey19] insist on using bad grammar and incomplete thoughts in their comments? Good writing should be a way of life, dammit! Not something only to be practiced from time to time. Blah, okay so down from the soapbox. Knowing full well the backstory to this situation, I am left with a sense of belabored curiosity about what in fact is going on now. Hopefully I'll find out soon enough, and can then comment more accurately on how appropriate this piece is. In the meantime, I can only say that it is clear that we share one distinct quality: we are both in love with someone far away.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Poet sounds broken hearted. but its just infactuation? If the poet was writting about ture love there would be me feeling the poem.
    "A love in vain." thats ture because everything we do is in vain.
    This poem is about felling for someone who deosnt feel the same. we have all expercied this and know what your feeling.
    Your right tho the relationship you had "it will never be the same"
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Bailey19 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24146

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry