Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The (not so) perfect womandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 522
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       this was inspired by "The Perfect Woman" by Havoc. His piece hit close to home for me. I know this piece is probably cliché in ways, but I wrote it cause I needed it to get out some stuff from my head. What can I say except the woman who inspired " The things you should/n't know" read it, and I dunno whats going on anymore. So yeah I dont know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe (not so) perfect womandots
    -------------------------------------------


    The perfect woman
    the one who breaks your heart
    the one you find belongs to another

    A woman you’d die for
    A love in vain
    because fate is against you

    The perfect woman
    knows what you’re thinking
    knows your heart is true

    Calls you brother
    though no blood connects

    The perfect woman
    who breaks your heart
    loves you
    but it will never be the same




    Submitted on 2004-09-13 14:33:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good poem, it most surely leaves one longing..., hmmm, like hanging...Thanks...Good write. l liked how you ended it, that gave the longing feeling effect quite a punch.
    | Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
      Somehow I feel that I will never find my perfect woman-mostly because it would have to be a guy. Anyway, I do know the problem of loving in vain, since I did it for 4 years straight, but I've finally gotten away from NOT telling everything the way it is to telling people how I feel when I do so feel. I wish you the best of luck, and I have to comment on more of your pieces, because they're phenomenal. -Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-09-28 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      argh...hits too close to home for too many times...hell this hits so close to home i think i lived in a crater while reading it;) i wish i could say more but all i can say is you got me, you nailed it.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      its so sad, you love this woman and she loves you as a brother i'm guessing. i would say thats a terrible feeling but you could look at the bright side, at least she loves you right? you'd rather be with her as a friend than not be with her at all? maybe i'm looking at it in the wrong way. good luck with everything
    -steph
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Why must people on here [like Bailey19] insist on using bad grammar and incomplete thoughts in their comments? Good writing should be a way of life, dammit! Not something only to be practiced from time to time. Blah, okay so down from the soapbox. Knowing full well the backstory to this situation, I am left with a sense of belabored curiosity about what in fact is going on now. Hopefully I'll find out soon enough, and can then comment more accurately on how appropriate this piece is. In the meantime, I can only say that it is clear that we share one distinct quality: we are both in love with someone far away.
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Poet sounds broken hearted. but its just infactuation? If the poet was writting about ture love there would be me feeling the poem.
    "A love in vain." thats ture because everything we do is in vain.
    This poem is about felling for someone who deosnt feel the same. we have all expercied this and know what your feeling.
    Your right tho the relationship you had "it will never be the same"
    | Posted on 2004-09-13 00:00:00 | by Bailey19 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24146

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Love written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    Etiquette written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry