[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My Life Told Simpledots

    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 403
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 941
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2511


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Life Told Simpledots

    I only have one wish,
    it is to know what real love is.
    A wish that's not realistic,
    love's made believe like works of mistic.....
    wizard men that had a chance to know the truth,
    but missed it.

    The equation was simplistic,
    The truth that there is one great god just wasn't as artistic,
    for they seeked and seeked, to come across not one statistic.

    This is a wish i had to leave,
    to think that love resides in me;
    to come from me, it couldn't be.
    For hate and envy i've retrived,
    from this cruel world that constantly,
    has pressured me to be as mean .
    Has pressured me to join the team,
    a league that fiends the blood of teens.
    but blood of all is what i've seen,
    the life i see is but a dream.

    For all these reasons i'll come clean.
    I'm sick of this!
    Yes i've said it, don't you soon forget it.
    The light has shined in my dark alley,
    impossible it seemed, 'till i heard the sweestest soothest keys.

    It was a sound from above,
    a sign of help with hope and love.
    Slowly carried out those thoughts of dying,
    a joy so strong i couldn't stop my crying.

    He found me in the jungle, from when i had escaped.
    To mix in mud and live a life of filthy savaged apes.
    The sinking never stopped,
    i sunk as low as one could get,
    as low as anyone could ever drop.

    I lived the life i wasn't meant for,
    the life that i was warned.
    for that mistake i am repentful,
    And now my mind is but a swamp.

    I have fooled myself, the wizardman.
    my works were evil as can be,
    i've walked confused in blizzard land.
    In search of something empty,
    yes i thought it'd be rewarding;
    all the love i couldn't see was right in front of me.

    The wicked visions that don't die,
    They'll live in me as scar, but deep inside;
    not well hidden as you can see it in my eyes.

    Thought that pleasure was,that greatest treasure,
    the fun i had that came to me, i had to overmeasure.
    See me walking, see me talking,
    see in me the skies inside my eyes that never stop from falling.

    Submitted on 2004-09-13 22:26:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe nobody has commented on this piece yet, so I will. I really liked the first couple bits. You lost me when you were found in the jungle. You're rhyming style is really quite different, did you mean to rhyme in all the parts you did, or was that an accident? I really like the last line, but are you happy or sad by the end, I couldn't tell. I really couldn't tell what was happening to you in the last couple of stanzas, which are really funky, and I'm not quite used to that either. But I do like the words you use, and the rhymes you use in this piece when you are rhyming. All in all, I'd say it needs a little revision, but not that much.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Every..... written by jackz
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]