[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My Life Told Simpledots

    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 403
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 953
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2511


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Life Told Simpledots

    I only have one wish,
    it is to know what real love is.
    A wish that's not realistic,
    love's made believe like works of mistic.....
    wizard men that had a chance to know the truth,
    but missed it.

    The equation was simplistic,
    The truth that there is one great god just wasn't as artistic,
    for they seeked and seeked, to come across not one statistic.

    This is a wish i had to leave,
    to think that love resides in me;
    to come from me, it couldn't be.
    For hate and envy i've retrived,
    from this cruel world that constantly,
    has pressured me to be as mean .
    Has pressured me to join the team,
    a league that fiends the blood of teens.
    but blood of all is what i've seen,
    the life i see is but a dream.

    For all these reasons i'll come clean.
    I'm sick of this!
    Yes i've said it, don't you soon forget it.
    The light has shined in my dark alley,
    impossible it seemed, 'till i heard the sweestest soothest keys.

    It was a sound from above,
    a sign of help with hope and love.
    Slowly carried out those thoughts of dying,
    a joy so strong i couldn't stop my crying.

    He found me in the jungle, from when i had escaped.
    To mix in mud and live a life of filthy savaged apes.
    The sinking never stopped,
    i sunk as low as one could get,
    as low as anyone could ever drop.

    I lived the life i wasn't meant for,
    the life that i was warned.
    for that mistake i am repentful,
    And now my mind is but a swamp.

    I have fooled myself, the wizardman.
    my works were evil as can be,
    i've walked confused in blizzard land.
    In search of something empty,
    yes i thought it'd be rewarding;
    all the love i couldn't see was right in front of me.

    The wicked visions that don't die,
    They'll live in me as scar, but deep inside;
    not well hidden as you can see it in my eyes.

    Thought that pleasure was,that greatest treasure,
    the fun i had that came to me, i had to overmeasure.
    See me walking, see me talking,
    see in me the skies inside my eyes that never stop from falling.

    Submitted on 2004-09-13 22:26:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe nobody has commented on this piece yet, so I will. I really liked the first couple bits. You lost me when you were found in the jungle. You're rhyming style is really quite different, did you mean to rhyme in all the parts you did, or was that an accident? I really like the last line, but are you happy or sad by the end, I couldn't tell. I really couldn't tell what was happening to you in the last couple of stanzas, which are really funky, and I'm not quite used to that either. But I do like the words you use, and the rhymes you use in this piece when you are rhyming. All in all, I'd say it needs a little revision, but not that much.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Every..... written by jackz
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]