Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Life Told Simpledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 403
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2511



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Life Told Simpledots
    -------------------------------------------


    I only have one wish,
    it is to know what real love is.
    A wish that's not realistic,
    love's made believe like works of mistic.....
    wizard men that had a chance to know the truth,
    but missed it.

    The equation was simplistic,
    The truth that there is one great god just wasn't as artistic,
    for they seeked and seeked, to come across not one statistic.

    This is a wish i had to leave,
    to think that love resides in me;
    to come from me, it couldn't be.
    For hate and envy i've retrived,
    from this cruel world that constantly,
    has pressured me to be as mean .
    Has pressured me to join the team,
    a league that fiends the blood of teens.
    but blood of all is what i've seen,
    the life i see is but a dream.

    For all these reasons i'll come clean.
    I'm sick of this!
    Yes i've said it, don't you soon forget it.
    The light has shined in my dark alley,
    impossible it seemed, 'till i heard the sweestest soothest keys.

    Polytonality!
    It was a sound from above,
    a sign of help with hope and love.
    Slowly carried out those thoughts of dying,
    a joy so strong i couldn't stop my crying.

    He found me in the jungle, from when i had escaped.
    To mix in mud and live a life of filthy savaged apes.
    The sinking never stopped,
    i sunk as low as one could get,
    as low as anyone could ever drop.

    I lived the life i wasn't meant for,
    the life that i was warned.
    for that mistake i am repentful,
    And now my mind is but a swamp.

    I have fooled myself, the wizardman.
    my works were evil as can be,
    i've walked confused in blizzard land.
    In search of something empty,
    yes i thought it'd be rewarding;
    all the love i couldn't see was right in front of me.

    The wicked visions that don't die,
    They'll live in me as scar, but deep inside;
    not well hidden as you can see it in my eyes.


    Thought that pleasure was,that greatest treasure,
    the fun i had that came to me, i had to overmeasure.
    See me walking, see me talking,
    see in me the skies inside my eyes that never stop from falling.









    Submitted on 2004-09-13 22:26:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe nobody has commented on this piece yet, so I will. I really liked the first couple bits. You lost me when you were found in the jungle. You're rhyming style is really quite different, did you mean to rhyme in all the parts you did, or was that an accident? I really like the last line, but are you happy or sad by the end, I couldn't tell. I really couldn't tell what was happening to you in the last couple of stanzas, which are really funky, and I'm not quite used to that either. But I do like the words you use, and the rhymes you use in this piece when you are rhyming. All in all, I'd say it needs a little revision, but not that much.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24214

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    no sky on the other side written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry