I agree that you have captured this so well and in so little words... i believe it shows a true poet. This is the first of yours i have read and now i am looking forward to reading the rest. Great Piece. Jes
I don't like the dropped lines. Gives me the feeling of vertigo. It would have been ideally suited to Haiku, like;
Will you hold my hand? Don't let go - it will grow cold. God knows where I'll go...
See? I liked the thought and the feeling this gave me, many images come to mind; a child in the dark or maybe a terminally ill patient or someone hurt in an accident, some soldiers I've had the privilege of holding dying hands for... though mostly they pulled through like I always told them they would, and then the universal fear of the great unknown and death. That is what I got, and it was really stirring. The title...Now there's an issue we don't usually spend enough time on. It is somethimes better to leave poems untitled and speak for themselves. Two good writers write prolifically, only one is a best seller, though the other may be a better author. What is the difference? The best seller knows marketing and draws an audience. Titles are important. You work it out.
well...this is very well done to be so short. I think that that shorteness of this piece enhances the general meaning...longing. I really like it. Short and to the point and all emotion captures within a brief 23 words...very well done, indeed...*claps*
Losing someone is a scary thing to think about. I don't know how you can write about it so accurately and yet with such deep feeling. I love everything that I've read of yours, and this is no different. I wish I could write like you! You have accurately and brilliantly captured the joy of life and the pain of death all within 23 words-that's something to be respected. Good write. -Archadya