The Boy That Quit Laughing by lost

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Submission Name: The Boy That Quit Laughing dots

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Author:	lost_escape
ASL Info:	16/f/tx
Elite Ratio:	2.37 - 44/60/23
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Satire
Total Views:	254
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	674

Description:
Don't ask......i just wrote that.....I'm in a strange mood.

The Boy That Quit Laughing dots

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Once on a hill in a far away land,
there was a boy that laughed.
This caused an uproar all over the country,
and no ones able to stand.

They roll around falling unable to quit,
For a laugh is very contagious.
Everyone laughed and smiled and giggled,
no one could even sit.

Well that boy grew up tall,
and quit laughing his laughter.
This sure changed everyone
because then all the people started to ball.

The begged him to laugh, even to smile.
But he refused, he was mad.
mad that his childhood was long so forgotten,
So he died, mad in a pile.

Submitted on 2004-09-14 21:50:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  That was a strange poem, not bad, but strange. It was a little like a story book which i think is what made it unique. You rhyme scheme was a little off but nothing that can't be changed. Like Jonathan Lennox said try counting your syllables. The real question is do you like it cause if you personally like it i wouldn't change it.
| Posted on 2004-09-15 00:00:00 | by pms792005 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this, quite like a short story in a poem. The rhythim is a bit off, and i wasnt sure what the last line meant... "mad in a pile". Does it mean he was a "pile of madness, or anger?"
Perhaps i read it wrong. I love the originality of this piece. A boy who quit laughing... great concept, so simple, yet not thought of. Good job, and keep writing!
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by Poechick13 | [ Reply to This ]
  It was a good piece, liked the way that you made your point, but it's hard to follow cause the flow's a bit off. Try counting the syllables to make the poem a little bit smoother.
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by Jonathan Lennox | [ Reply to This ]
  dude...yes, i agree with yourself. This was quite strange. it reminded me of a story of a girl woul chould cry! which i know is just the total oppposite. the ending is sad here tho. and adams is right, you do have a typo somewhere.
your rhyme scheme was very unique. (Ari has done that). but it got to the point that I couldn't distinguish the rhymes at all, and had to go look at the ending word of each verse to locate them. but that's just me. it's pretty weird, like you said. hahahahaha. sorry.
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
  your last paragraph starts off with what I believe is a typo. The first word I think, is supposed to be "then". Other than that it was original, The way you write makes me feel you are young, if this is true, you are on the right track.
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by B Adams | [ Reply to This ]
  Cute sudtle...like a childs tale of laughing.
Was a very sweet look at the tender heart that lay in all of us.
Thank you for sharing
~clay~
| Posted on 2004-09-14 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]

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