Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Cocaine


Author: Damien Vladimir
ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122 /89 /35
Words: 132
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1176
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 860



Description:


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


Cocaine



"Cocaine"

Hollow and deep thoughts of a previous night,
the horrid scene, obscene and yet a smile is seen.
The eye that sees, it slowly bleeds;
i wait and wait for my release....
a panic fright of what could be.
The night, it follows right behind my lucid dream;
a drug so crazed, my inner me now turns to slave.

I can't control it!
Slowly i believe that i can hold it,
but i can't!
I should of this....
I should of that....
I always try, but fail at last.

For this i am the slain of man,
avoiding me was what you wouldn't.
A captive held and you can't leave now,
happens repeateadly......
For joining me your lives are gone,
you're one of mine, and so.......belong!




Submitted on 2004-09-15 00:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  the rhyme scheme IS different, but i like it. and i also like the wording for 'For this i am the slain of man' it stood out to me b/c coincidentally cocaine did kill a close family member of mine...
And thank you for reading and commenting on 'For Love'... i think you liked it, i'm not really sure but HEY if you didn't... im glad i didn't realize it ;)
~be easy
| Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you captured that icky feeling pretty well...the piece is sporadic, as is the experienced feelings while partaking this party favor...in the last line, should mines=mine?
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



24367