Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cocainedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 860



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCocainedots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Cocaine"

    Hollow and deep thoughts of a previous night,
    the horrid scene, obscene and yet a smile is seen.
    The eye that sees, it slowly bleeds;
    i wait and wait for my release....
    a panic fright of what could be.
    The night, it follows right behind my lucid dream;
    a drug so crazed, my inner me now turns to slave.

    I can't control it!
    Slowly i believe that i can hold it,
    but i can't!
    I should of this....
    I should of that....
    I always try, but fail at last.

    For this i am the slain of man,
    avoiding me was what you wouldn't.
    A captive held and you can't leave now,
    happens repeateadly......
    For joining me your lives are gone,
    you're one of mine, and so.......belong!




    Submitted on 2004-09-15 00:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the rhyme scheme IS different, but i like it. and i also like the wording for 'For this i am the slain of man' it stood out to me b/c coincidentally cocaine did kill a close family member of mine...
    And thank you for reading and commenting on 'For Love'... i think you liked it, i'm not really sure but HEY if you didn't... im glad i didn't realize it ;)
    ~be easy
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you captured that icky feeling pretty well...the piece is sporadic, as is the experienced feelings while partaking this party favor...in the last line, should mines=mine?
    | Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24367

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry