[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Like an Orchiddots

    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1465
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1329

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike an Orchiddots

    Who couldn't say you are the prettiest,
    though some would say i am delirious,
    for a gleam of your reflected crimsom eyes so red, they're so mysterious,
    it has me frozen over such a sight of beauty,though with time it might be dangerous.

    Who could not say you are a treasure,
    for emeralds you hold as eyes are more to me than any pleasure,
    and soft as crimson petals are your arms like breezing orchids in a meadow,
    with a gentle,oh such a gentle silent smile,no, not a flower could compare,
    but would you care, to want to share,
    a silent smile of violet speers with me?

    An orchid thinker,
    morbid dreamer,
    horrid sinker of the hearts who couldn't reach you.
    As the sun in skies could barely reach you,
    it's rays of orange gray will hide in clouds,
    but surely they do seek you.

    The orchid of deceit,
    an ocean lines the gleam of a sun path,
    are me and you complete.
    It goes and glows much less in secret,
    as the night replaces and obscures,
    and separates the road constructed of a rose,
    destroying what was once a love, my cure,
    the orchid of fading leaves,with no relief for me as all i give is but a tear.

    Submitted on 2004-09-16 00:16:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I commented because there weren't any comments on this one, and i hate when that happens so i am going to be the first commenter! WOOHOO! lol. Nice peice, i say this honestly, because the imagery is used appropriately, and it has a good flow to it. I think you over-did it with the crimson though, but I'm still adding this to my favorites. i can really relate, and this is a really a good work. All the other non-commenting-peeps missed out!
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by roxygirl239 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]