A Spark Of... by Color_the

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Submission Name: A Spark Of... dots

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Author:	Color_the_Moon
Elite Ratio:	3.02 - 27/29/5
Words:	44

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	270
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	268

Description:
Comment on whatever you like or dislike about the piece - I'm fair-minded in that respect, and haven't had much feedback from it yet from other sites.

I wrote the poem on the spur of a moment, really, around 6th grade, too...it's not very sophisticated writing style, but the poem, looking upon it now, really means a lot to me. I've resubmitted it countless times to numerous places in hopes that someone would get what I was trying to say with the piece, yet no one really did understand it. I hope that this time, though, this being my first poem on the site, that someone says something.

;

A Spark Of... dots

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A spark of rhyme,
A spark of reason,
A spark that almost committed treason.
A spark of light,
A spark of sound,
A spark that leaped a tremendous bound.
A spark of you,
A spark of me,
Is all we really need to see.

Submitted on 2004-09-16 00:47:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  first welcome to the site. this is a nice piece. I think it's about some relationship but that's just me guessing. it's a bit vague. I'm not so keen on repetition. used right it helps but to start every line with the same words gets boring and doesn't leave an impact on the reader. a suggestion:

A spark of rhyme,
of reason,
A spark that almost committed treason.
of light,
of sound,
A spark that leaped a tremendous bound.
A spark of you,
of me,
Is all we really need to see.

take it or leave it.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the beat it has! I was in a drumline for 5 years, so of course i'm going to notice when things have a certain beat. It's created by the repition of the words "The Spark" and I like the way it ended! I think it hold prfound meaning!
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Eah | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, Myriam...short and pacy.....sweet! I thought this was just about their relationship....seems like there is some attraction going wild and maybe it's not always being kept in the relationship...interesting piece...pretty cool flow.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Penguins waddle and have no sense of humour. They are funny on land. But once in the water they become humourous torpedos, laughing at the leopard seal as they leap high onto the ice.
Seagulls need courage to trust the wind and Penguins are brave to trust the water.
Ah, but Miriam, are you foolish enough to trust me?
Victor.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
  It is important, Miriam, to write whatever pops into your head. Just as it is important to flap your wings.
Should you throw yourself over the cliff, you will find the wind underneath your wings.
Of course the wind is invisible. It can only be felt.
Come and fly with the other seagulls.
Victor.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Miriam,
Poetry disrupts the ordinary meaning. It disrupts the flow of sense in the name of sensibility. Poetry is treasonous.
I feel you walked right up to the cliff and pulled back in the last line.
How will you know whether you can fly, if you won't throw yourself over the cliff.
Victor.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
  welcome to elite! i like this one short, beautiful and i can feel that there is something deep in this poem...a spark of rhyme...a spark of reason...a spark of eveything...a little bit of something...a part of something..so little that it is not seen...i think ur thinking of simple things that no one seems to care yet they play a big role...like a spark of light, so little but without it a large blazing light wouldn't exist..im not sure of it..correct me if i'm wrong...this interests me a lot...
meh,
jen
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
  Dear Miriam,
You are a 'spark that almost committed treason'.
I am a treasonous spark.
And I wish you had committed treason in the last line.
Victor.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it. I don't see the deepness and profound meaning to it that maybe you are hoping for but I thought it wuz great especially since you were so young when you wrote it. It's very flowing and precise and easy to read. Welcome to Elite and I hope you get the comments you're looking for.
| Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]

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