[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Days are Graydots

    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 928
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1144

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Days are Graydots

    Taken away!
    It's these synthesizing jungle beats, that push they are waves
    a labyrinth gaze,as horizons are gray....
    answers remain.
    Would i part ways?
    if the words i've learned, i know, don't really reach reasoning
    but finish my brain, well, it's quite O.K.

    I say,
    the days are gray
    as something surely turns to nothing, and the pain remains,
    I see,
    the ever hungry lethal brain
    as tears of fears report emotion, speers run down my face
    i tell you not a being or thing
    even together as a team, could ever dream to reach.
    The disease!!
    try and die, as eyes rely,
    as to confide in my desires
    fire bright,....it blinds!
    blind minds!!!!

    I shake,and after i space
    the fuck away from your existance as to keep my name
    the peace cerebral programming
    emotional destruction is obstruction of my consciousness
    artificially official and i have no sense,nothing.

    Submitted on 2004-09-16 13:41:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very cool. Great word choice. I think people would definately listen and like this. In terms of lyrics they are very poetic (hey, this is a poetry site, imagine that). I think that poetry is what lyrics are missing nowadays. Great post. Keep writing.

    | Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by Deep_Monty | [ Reply to This ]
      everything flows.It's a great write, and you used some intresting words.I agree- the poem could be defined to fit it's rythm- but overall it's a really nice write.

    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the word choice. I have read poems that use very strong words when they are not needed, or vice versa, people who use simple words with a very deep, hard, subject. But I think this piece has word choice very well. I don't know why it reminded me of old literature, but it gives off a good vibe. Great write!
    | Posted on 2004-09-16 00:00:00 | by nj | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]