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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: nipple.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 311/403/63
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 367
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1103



    Description:
       *sigh*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnipple.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    he marvels at the delightful termination
    of self,
    nerves begging and distended
    as goosebumps rise
    with impudence and demands.

    he's never looked more beautiful
    than with his chin rested
    just beneath my bellybutton,
    which he watches with
    distinct
    and impressionable interest.

    his hand,
    rested on concave stomach
    and drawing random patterns,
    drive me to distraction,
    delight.

    my slight, unnoticed sigh
    draws a grin,
    and he bites his lower lip
    and snakes a hand beneath
    the thin sheet.

    so blantantly obvious,
    but the tiniest motion
    draws oceans of emotion,
    and it almost hurts to
    breathe.

    presses his hand against my ribcage
    to hold me in place,
    (the one position
    i'd fight to keep.)
    and slides to kiss my neck,
    willingly ceded.

    he needs no candles,
    the glow from my eyes
    is seduction enough.





    Submitted on 2004-09-17 01:07:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      too many people shy away from sexuality. I don't mean that in a way to sound like i'm some sort of guy who thinks people have repressed sexuality. rather, I just think that it's often something people feel very "wrong" about, like they used somone, like they were an [censored], personally, i can relate. sometimes I feel like i've used people after something, even though i didn't at all feel that way... then i feel too bad to tell them i didn't feel that way, because maybe they weren't even thinking about it... maybe it would make it seem like i was by saying i wasn't... maybe i'm rambling too much. I don't know, I have an attraction to the display of emotions that people would normally shy away from. I think I failed to give you any critique, that means you did good, you got me rambling
    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, when I looked up the term nipple, I didn't think that there would actually be a submission by that title. This poem is very sexy and you are talented. Also cool, for naming it nipple.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      "presses his hand against my ribcage
    to hold me in place,
    (the one position
    i'd fight to keep.)"

    Like whoa ! I remember why I've liked your poems so much. This one is another sexy, yet deep poem. I'm glad to see you back at it. Keep on writing !
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose this could have been a bit more explicit, but not much. The way you write about the antagonist's feelings in the protagonist's voice is a bit strange. The beginning was a bit awkward with the word choices, but gained momentum later. I am a firm advocate of conventional language in poetry, and as such dislike the omission of Uppercase where convention dictates. Other than that, I have no complaints, the poem is good, but I think you might want to revise. It would be better for more common words,considering the subject matter. On top of the X I'll give you a B+ too.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      again it does feel a bit awkward commenting on this because of the personal aspect but it is such a beautifully written poem it was hard to pass by and not comment.
    the sensuality is subtle in its own unique way. it's sitting there staring you straight in the face.. and yet there's an understated quality to it. and i think that's the source of beauty in the poem overall.

    the last stanza ties it all together well... bringing the focus back away from him and on to you..which i think was necessary or else the poem might have felt more open-ended.

    beautiful work.
    | Posted on 2004-09-19 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that is really crazy-great. I'm definitely turned on now! The last stanza was my favorite. Your punctuation and other mechanics are really improving, and I have no suggestions on the content because it was simply marvelous. SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK!
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      goddamn you write sexy poems.. your writtes are always so so vividly vivid.. heh. If the two characters in your poem went any further I think I'd have to go for a cold shower.. or something else lmao.. heh good write girl

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      not much to say but awesome. I really hope this is how my gf feels when we're "together." Great job w/ this. I absolutely love the last stanza-I feel exactly the same about my gf. I don't need anything to set the mood but her.
    J
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      it was pretty good... i liked it... its good and i like it uhh what else is there to say? it was well worded, and i liked it.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. a lot. its suductive and sexual without being cheap and sleezy. its beautiful. its ROMANTIC. i shy away from useing that word because i am a hopeless romantic, and romance has become something for movies... and bad nora roberts novels. the end reminds me of spooning with my guy. being held so tight but not caring its too tight because you feel safe and comfortable. you convey that well. its a good wirte. hope you have more moments like that to write about. they're nice. PS
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]
      oh this is really fu***** awesome! reminds me what i do with my girl, so it home, in a big way. it was intense for me as well. great job!
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      The title sure demands attention...lol...the capital letters are missing , when i read the first stanza, i thought something must precede this .The poem ends well though ,and the moment which this poem wanted to capture comes across effectively.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by Sophia | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm..I wasn't sure if I would comment..feels like leaving evidence of having intruded on something;) but I like the way these walks a line between voyeurism and playfulness.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel weird about comenting on this for some reason. mabye im not open minded enough to enjoy a sexual poem from a girls point of view or from a nother man whatever the situation. im to straight and that gets to be a problem.
    i liked it
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by locke | [ Reply to This ]



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