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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One-Way Ticketdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 754
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 468



    Description:
       A hangover


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne-Way Ticketdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sun returned to the sky
    like a ball tethered to a paddle,
    and my head felt equally battered
    as its rays stabbed through my blind
    I'd futilely tried to dam
    the river that flowed from my eyes
    with the contents of a bottle,
    but the giddiness was as fleeting
    as an insincere peck on the cheek
    from someone you used to know,
    yet the self-loathing
    is a one-way ticket on a stalled train.




    Submitted on 2004-09-17 06:23:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      YES!

    Wonderful. This is so filled with metaphors and similes that all relate to the central theme. The main metaphor, being the one about the one-way ticket, I love it. The last four lines are some of the best I've read from you. Nice work.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-09-19 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      read this poem already yesterday but I was too tired to comment on it probably (no hangover but I'm not used to getting up so early and driving for 5 hours...). anyway I like it. it's a very good description of a hangover. light hurts like hell when you wake up with a headache and barely remembering what you've done yesterday. but my favourite part were the lines
    "But the giddiness was as fleeting
    As an insincere peck on the cheek
    From someone you used to know"
    very well done. a really good poem, Amy.
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, that about sums up how I felt this morning. I've always thought it strange how people go out on the weekend with the firm intention of "Getting f*#! Up." You only feel good for a couple of hours, and when you get up in the morning, you feel like arse. And if you can't remember what happened, you begin to feel ashamed of yourself, wondering what it was you might have done (especially when you wake up with morning-after girl (or guy)).
    This was a good read, a nice way of putting the feeling down.
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      So I woke up in my day clothes this morning, completely uncovered...head pounding...throat chafing...and I wote in my journal that Im gonna quit drinking! I swear!;-) Then I stumbled upon this perfect little description of exactly how I am feel...what a co- inky-dink! The yuck just stuck in there...i enjoyed this...as much as I can in the state that I'm in...lol...good job cuddle.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a tough piece to read. not stylistically, but personally. it covers a lot of topics (that i may be deriving without them acctually being there) that are tough for a lot of people. but your metaphors are good and the continuity works. nice piece hun. PS
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]


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