This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Death Awaits Me

Author: Damien Vladimir
ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122 /89 /35
Words: 130
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1558
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 837


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

Death Awaits Me

Evaluate me to the heavens
one more minute and i'll die
take a second, listen closely,
i've been here but not in mind
Why am i so damn depraved?
vanish me to my own grave
sinner since i started life,
won't forget those greatful crimes
let it be, and let me die
you and i can be disguised,
as human beings but not alive!

A split second till my mind explodes
not slow enough to avoid my sentence
not fast enough to avoid shock treatment
blast my brain fritz, toast till finish
scorpion death sting, venom spitting
my last words were "life has freed me"

Where i went, i can't explain,
the life i lost must be retained
afraid of death, but now i'm slain!

Submitted on 2004-09-17 17:57:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Very good, I'm not much into the vampire scene but totally enjoy studying it and reading about it. The last word should have been "slain" however as slained is not a word other than that I thought this was well written. I like your user name too. Devil Dracula
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by littledifferent | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked your poem, it's dark, and it makes me happy to know I'm not the only one who hates the world, life, and death.I liked a few lines, but it's hard to pick which line I liked the best but one no one mentioned was "vanish me to my own grave", that one was among the ones I liked most, dude this poem rocked!
| Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
  nice, original idea. i enjoyed the dark aspect to it, kinda made me feel at home...all warm and fuzzy inside. nice poem, but the first part seemed a little forced rhyming at times.
| Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
  not everyone that's living is alive..
thats sorta what i got outta it. it obviously goes deeper with you being the writer. but it was still good enough to get the main idea. i liked it; nice work.
| Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenRose | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?