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    dots Submission Name: Silver Butterflysdots

    Author: kjb
    ASL Info:    23/male/NY
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 256/351/64
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1098
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1310

       the meaning here is somewhat general it can be taken as jealousy over a women or simply a fight over opinions whatever it may be hope you enjoy! kevin

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilver Butterflysdots

    He bled butterflys
    cascades of blue and soundly shades of red
    there was no return
    and his viens were hot
    obstacles only consist of not knowing
    the end from the beginning
    yet he justly continued
    metallic waves crashed onto my body
    silver butterflys
    no return
    no use
    no help
    "Don't bleed on the carpet."
    he says
    "Bleed on the hardwood
    blood stains don't you know."
    as if i cared that his mess afterwards would be a burden
    as i lay there
    asking for only the right side
    to save me this anguish
    he left a sting on my heart that will never heal
    all for jealousy
    and the envy that would not end
    "Give up
    and let go
    just give up and let go!"
    I cry
    he only chuckles and turns
    with a phrase that will be my last
    audible noise
    "Let go? Your the one leting go. You bloody coward."
    with that the butterfly landed just one last time
    Oh, did it sparkle
    and shine
    it flashed;
    danced in the air
    it didn't leave much time
    for tears to flood my eyes

    Submitted on 2004-09-17 17:59:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty good, alot of imagery, but you I think you overused the word "blood" a little, and I think that in the 8th line up from the bottom, bloody coward sounds kinda funny, I mean, its not as serious as the rest of the poem. I do like it though, know the sting of jealousy. good job, it reminds me of a song called "think twice" by eve 6.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah i like this. i dont know exactly what your talking about but with the message i got it was kinda like some kind of betrayal. and someone who mistreated you and/or didnt care. i like how you put this poem together. i cant explain what i mean i guess. but its good.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenRose | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I like your work from what I've read so far. You might go on my stalkers list. Seriously. So beware. You might definitly see more comments from me!
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

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