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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Amazing Disgracedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Apocalyptica
    Elite Ratio:    6.41 - 79/66/10
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714



    Description:
       One of my first attempts at writing poetry.
    Constructive criticism please!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmazing Disgracedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Amazing Disgrace

    Amazing Disgrace! The pentagram defaced
    As the Devil got sick of Hell
    Once a knave, and once a slave
    To a place that could not be saved

    Oh Lord, hear me! Can you not see?
    I wish to confess my sins
    Would you concede enough to heed
    My cries for your mercy?

    Is it too late, for me to pray?
    To learn to live again?
    To refrain from hate, to change my ways?
    Can black hearts begin to fade?

    Iím sick of the blame, and this mark of shame
    The stigma of blasphemy
    The Beast is tamed, put out the flames
    My place among angels, I claim


    ~FIN~




    Submitted on 2004-09-17 19:58:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it could be stupid of me but in some places i am convinced you almost have the words to the same tune as the song amazing grace from which this has such associations.


    i think we are all amazing disgraces.
    in our own plight we are unable to be anything but... we cannot measure up to what god wants us to be without his grace...
    and so yes... black hearts can fade... though in some ways it seems more like a transplant than a fading... a new heart instead of a remodelling of the old...

    i guess if you look at the conscience and how it is a direct result of what society feeds us and the information it is subconsciously brought [this accounting for the fact that in western culture murder is wrong and yet in some tribe in africa it is a mark of respect] then it is by reprogramming our conscience by feeding it new material that we can find our hearts changed.

    if you find god [whoever/whatever god is to you] you will not know all the answers and you will not live your life the way he requires straight away... its a learning process... and that learning could be by reading scriptures, meditating, praying... whatever... and as you continue your practice of these things you find these new ideas and this knew knowledge acts as a filter for everything you do and i guess in some ways thats what the conscience is... a filter we put everything through to decide how we should act in any given situation...


    that was kinda long winded and prolly off target too but i guess... your piece made me think.
    this is pretty good for a first attempt at poetry and considering i just read your latest post i must say you have come a long way

    keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2007-06-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one to. I really like you as a writter and am looking forward to your next work.

    Is It Too Late, For Me To Pray?
    To Learn To Live Again?
    To Refrain From Hate, To Change My Ways?
    Can Black Hearts Begin To Fade?

    I can relate to this part the most I think because there was a piont in my life where I felt like it was to late and said the h*ll with god. I don't believe that way now, but I used to feel like he only caused bad things in my life and that why should I believe in someone who caused death and pain in my life. I blamed him for all the bad but never gave any credit for the good. I believe in god now and no longer blame him for the bad times in my life although I still get discouraged at times.
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by ForsakenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this becuz it expresses how everyone feels once in a while. I liked a few of your other writings as well so I look forward to more.

    ria
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by ria_pixie | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow now see this here is the [censored]. I loved the message, damn right, and this poem is worthy of my favorites. It is the first I've read on here worth of such a thing, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I liked how you capitalized everything for more emphasis.
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I loved it! you and I seem to share the in your face search for reality and unmitigated morality. the simplicity of the rhyme scheme allowed the message to scream from within.
    | Posted on 2004-10-02 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      the third stanza of your poem asks alot of good questions. Definetly ones that I cannot answer. good attempt for a first try. I look forward to reading more that you have to offer. I can't see anything that I would personally change.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Kapone | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it! Just didn't like the way you capitalized every word. But great job at one of your first attempts at poetry, really, wow what a way to start! You asked for constructive criticism sooo... in line 1 of the 2nd stanza.. ok this is kinda bugging me: 'Cannot you see' Maybe try Can you not see. Cuz cannot you see is just... off somehow. That's the only suggestion I have. Also, your name Apocalyptica, does that have anything to do with the band?
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      i totally like this one. it sais so much about the christian faith, and humans in general. it brought a sense of humility, which the bible sais to feel. good work.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      When I first clicked on this, I thought it was going to be a mock version of the original "amazing grace". And maybe it is, but it is not what I got from it and that is all that counts. Heh. But really, I liked it. Especially this line "Can Black Hearts Begin To Fade?" I got a visual in my mind on that one. Brings a sense of humility. Reminds me that I still have to ask for forgiveness, and that I'm no Perfect One. I think you did a good job on this. Well done.
    | Posted on 2004-09-17 00:00:00 | by slickviper097 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful, really good. It makes you think and runs images through your head of fire, death, destuction and hell itself. Then light and happines, and well you get the point.
    | Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by Siren Mengana | [ Reply to This ]


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