Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One of Those Facesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 240



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne of Those Facesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You have one of those faces
    that pops into my brain
    whenever my mind gets quiet
    like a song on the radio
    that plays in your head
    and makes you start to sing,
    seeing you makes my body flood with joy.




    Submitted on 2004-09-18 06:50:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This one is very simple and authentic. It's true that sometimes some faces/things/situations/songs just can't get out of our heads. But I like this feeling, like you wrote:

    "Seeing you makes my body flood with joy"

    it's still a pleasure. And I think this is one of the things that let you still believe, that you're alive. And it's beautiful.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      The last line seems a little off. You start to rhyme in it, which makes the rhythm a little more interesting, but I don't know how, but you seem to lose it on the last line. The rest of it is pretty good though.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-09-19 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you paint this picture of their face, but it feels like you're changing pov, even though i know you aren't. some suggestions-feel free to use 'em or lose 'em

    You have one of those faces - DELETE 'YOU HAVE'
    That pops into my head
    Whenever my mind gets quiet
    Like a song on the radio
    That plays in your head - CHANGE TO 'PLAYS OVER AND OVER'
    And makes you start to sing - DELETE 'MAKES YOU'
    Them my body floods with joy - THINK YOU MEANT 'THEN' NOT 'THEM'

    anyway just a thought...this is a good piece and you do an effective job with it. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-09-19 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, I have no clue about which nightmare line the others are talking about but it seems like you've changed something. anyway this is a nice little love poem. you said a lot with a few words, only the repetition of 'pops' bothers me a bit. maybe 'like a song on the radio/ that your head suddenly plays'. but it's up to you. it isn't very distracting and really good as it is.
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      What I nice thought and stated so simply. I really enjoy to the point poetry(I tend to be minimalistic) Thanks for the read
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    24759

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry