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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unbeaten Handdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Leila
    ASL Info:    19/female/South Africa
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 98/85/18
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 345
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1174



    Description:
       This poem is about the anger of losing a loved one. I don't expect any specific feedback, but it would certainly be appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnbeaten Handdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost in the depths of her emotions,
    she rages inside.
    Cold at the thought of the world,
    flaming at the thought of Him.

    Somehow, nothing seemed to ease it.
    No words could heal her wounds.
    There was no remedy for this irrevocable pain.
    Before, a prayer would always help.
    When she spoke to Him,
    the pain would flow out of her,
    like hot lava out of a distressed volcano.

    But how could she pray now?
    Wasn't it Him that took the life?
    Wasn't it Him that said 'and it will be'
    heartlessly claiming what was hers,
    wrapping His malicious claws
    around the one she loved?

    All she wanted now was to end it.
    End her suffering once and for all.
    Abuse herself until her crimson
    blood stained the delicate carpet.
    But she would not be a coward,
    she would not run to the one she despised most.
    Instead she would face the world
    as coldly and proudly as she could,
    until He's unbeaten hand gripped her life
    and let her be punished for her hate.




    Submitted on 2004-09-18 10:26:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Another gripping piece, sorry to here about the decese.:(
    In this world we learn from each conor that we take. Seek comfort to the one whom you hold blame. Sometimes we look for fault to the highest degree to help us settle our unsettletes. When really things are merely misplaced. The story has not truly unfolded no reason to give up faith. As we see things one way today may not be the same tommorow or as such. None the less I know it does not take away the sorrow. I really like how you opened up and told it like it is. You did so Poeticaly correct. Out of a pome that is the best we can hope for. To relay our message or tell a story. To put the reader where you are comming from. Add symbolisim here and there. Or just tell it like it is. As I said worth repeating you have done all the above grats to you. try to let go of the grudge. Perhapes things latter will become a bit more clear.

    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      I am astounded at the truthfullness that u set upon this plate. The offering plate and it seems he was in it. I really can relate. Curious in a death occurence most blame them selves off the bat. With if only i did so and so. Yet others blame The hand of time just did not care. Bad occurences befall all of us. I just don't believe we were extensively created to be deleated by the one whom does the fine works. True still does not ans who or why. or make it any less easeir not to cry. I am not here to ans for the above sky. just maybe rethink maybe there is another why ?
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      ohkay, first grammatical errors;
    third line of the third stanza wasno= was no
    seventh line of the last stanza.. should not = now?? Otherwise that line doesnt make sense.

    I like and understand the poem.
    I believe you convey the mental ,spiritual and emotional struggle tied with losing a loved one very well. I shall read more of your poems.

    But this piece deserves a title. maybe "Unbeaten Hand"...?
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]



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