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the day I failed

Author: austin
ASL Info:    22/ Male/ Odessa, Texas
Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 376 /396 /84
Words: 170
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 2610
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1047


ok, so i'm a little depressed. my poetry is usually dark anyway. perhaps the alcahol is taking effect now. i just feel as though i'm losing everything that was close to me.

the day I failed

there was a time, when i felt alive
in your eyes, the emotion can't be described
this game has made me old
decrepit, reminded of times of old
i'm frail now, my spirit is now cold

surrounded by faces, not knowing
how I am, in my mind, killing inside
with hurting, excruciating at my side
these thoughts i can no longer hide

caught up in this blatant lie,
my mind seems broken and fried
scrounging what is left inside
eating a hole through my bleeding side

this heart of mine, is no longer well
these tales of darkness, now i tell
i lay here, in the dark, so far away,
leading my thoughts so far astray
afraid of what my fears may bring
as the crow so mournfully sings
i am the dark, inside of myself
while i rot inside of this hell
never seeing, myself getting well
with no one to hear these tales that i tell
so, no one remembers, the day that i failed

Submitted on 2004-09-18 13:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Wow, excuse me for using a some what out-dated word but that was awesome. I couldn't put the feeling better myself its like when i'm at school from time to time when noone i know is around i feel like i'm alone but i see these people walking by every time i turn around. Its almost a scarey feeling and i think to myself if this is what its like here than how is it going to be when i grow older and i am alone and have noone to tell my stories to, if i have any lol. Well anyway i tend to ramble for a bit when i write comments then i just stop all of a sudden and do this , and i don't know why but great poem.
| Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
  there was a time, when i felt alive
in your eyes, the emotion can't be described
this game has made me old
decrepit, reminded of times of old
i'm frail now, my spirit is now cold

its not life that is getting you down it is your girl...and blast her for letting you feel this way...when you get back we're going fishing, to your barn on your farm and getting you away from it all...just you and best new friend, lean on me, I have past since leaned on you
| Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hm. This is going to sound like silly advice, but if you give it an honest try it might help you in the short-term (mind you I can't predict anything long). Find a drinking buddy, preferrable female - if you drink whiskey switch to beer, if you drink beer mebbe switch to whisky or vodka, just something hard. Finally stop trying to remember how feeling alive feels and stop trying to relive you past and just focus on living your much-less interesting present. After a while it will get interesting again.
| Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
  "i am the dark, inside of myself,
while i rot inside of this hell."

man thats good. some of your poem is inconsitstent, but the overall effect is still great. keep up the great writing!
| Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds to me like you have a grudge. I liked the poem, you kept it rhyming which is always good. Perhaps work on your style a little. I agree with mystic, life is one big joke, only it's being played on all of us. Some know how to deal, others don't.
| Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]

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