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    dots Submission Name: the day I faileddots

    Author: austin
    ASL Info:    22/ Male/ Odessa, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 376/396/84
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1255
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1047

       ok, so i'm a little depressed. my poetry is usually dark anyway. perhaps the alcahol is taking effect now. i just feel as though i'm losing everything that was close to me.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe day I faileddots

    there was a time, when i felt alive
    in your eyes, the emotion can't be described
    this game has made me old
    decrepit, reminded of times of old
    i'm frail now, my spirit is now cold

    surrounded by faces, not knowing
    how I am, in my mind, killing inside
    with hurting, excruciating at my side
    these thoughts i can no longer hide

    caught up in this blatant lie,
    my mind seems broken and fried
    scrounging what is left inside
    eating a hole through my bleeding side

    this heart of mine, is no longer well
    these tales of darkness, now i tell
    i lay here, in the dark, so far away,
    leading my thoughts so far astray
    afraid of what my fears may bring
    as the crow so mournfully sings
    i am the dark, inside of myself
    while i rot inside of this hell
    never seeing, myself getting well
    with no one to hear these tales that i tell
    so, no one remembers, the day that i failed

    Submitted on 2004-09-18 13:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, excuse me for using a some what out-dated word but that was awesome. I couldn't put the feeling better myself its like when i'm at school from time to time when noone i know is around i feel like i'm alone but i see these people walking by every time i turn around. Its almost a scarey feeling and i think to myself if this is what its like here than how is it going to be when i grow older and i am alone and have noone to tell my stories to, if i have any lol. Well anyway i tend to ramble for a bit when i write comments then i just stop all of a sudden and do this , and i don't know why but great poem.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
      there was a time, when i felt alive
    in your eyes, the emotion can't be described
    this game has made me old
    decrepit, reminded of times of old
    i'm frail now, my spirit is now cold

    its not life that is getting you down it is your girl...and blast her for letting you feel this way...when you get back we're going fishing, to your barn on your farm and getting you away from it all...just you and me...my best friend...my new friend, lean on me, I have past since leaned on you
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm. This is going to sound like silly advice, but if you give it an honest try it might help you in the short-term (mind you I can't predict anything long). Find a drinking buddy, preferrable female - if you drink whiskey switch to beer, if you drink beer mebbe switch to whisky or vodka, just something hard. Finally stop trying to remember how feeling alive feels and stop trying to relive you past and just focus on living your much-less interesting present. After a while it will get interesting again.
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      "i am the dark, inside of myself,
    while i rot inside of this hell."

    man thats good. some of your poem is inconsitstent, but the overall effect is still great. keep up the great writing!
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds to me like you have a grudge. I liked the poem, you kept it rhyming which is always good. Perhaps work on your style a little. I agree with mystic, life is one big joke, only it's being played on all of us. Some know how to deal, others don't.
    | Posted on 2004-09-18 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]

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