wow again and again and again. This poem has so much power in three lines. I can sort of relate and there is no other pain like it when someone says your love is nothing. I ahvent really been told that but my boyfriend of a year and half just one day told me he doesnt love me...and that was the worse pain in the world to me. I guess they are kind of similar so I feel ya. Well take care and this was great write as all your others. -Christina aka POETRY
I really found this haiku carried a very important message that everyone alone should take a look at. A haiku being a syllable poem of three lines 5-7-5, means that the few words must carry power. This one does, if superficially read, it states that someone out there made you feel as though your life had no importance at all. However,upon taking another view, I read that somewhere in our great and beautiful heaven there is someone waiting for you, one of the many millions of stars above, one is for you and will make you feel whole and loved. I really liked this very much just for that reason. God bless, Yvonne
This is really nice... and i believe that you should turn this into a full fledged poem and not just a haiku. not saying this sounds bad as a haiku ireall really like it but i am saying that this would sound better as a long poem... so THNX
you've chosen an interesting representation of loneliness, and i can relate to your theme, but as a haiku, i think you use too many words. the restrictions created by the 5-7-5 syllables in a haiku suggest to me that words such as "but," passive voice (implied in "there's"="there is") and pronouns ("me") should be left out. i think by revising you will produce a very poignant piece, one full of tension that still expresses singularity, instead of this, which though apparent in its aim seems superficial in its execution. *a*
I like the idea and theme but haiku as I see it should provide the reader with a tension that doesn't quite appear here. It doesn't help that you've shortened phrases by the use of the apostrophe and the requirement to provide 3 poems in one has been missed. Explain: lines 1&2 should make a discrete whole as should lines 2&3. Lines 1-3 is a given. Suggestion:
Distant starlight shines a single beam lighting up insignificance.
I like what you've done and I see it but I think you have the wherewithal to clarify the emotion whilst adhering more to the discipline that this form requires. Later, K
I definitely like this and I can definitely relate to it. . . someone that you love and worship and care everything about burns your heart to smithereens because they could care less about you. . . the only thing I would change would be to switch "starlight" and "far off" so that it would read "There's starlight far off". I hate that feeling of there being so many people out there, but you only care about one and of course they don't care about you. . . -Secret
that truely is a terrible feeling, and you've once again captured it in this haiku. feeling insignificant is all too familiar in my life, whether it be with my "friends", family, or some guy i've learned to love and expect nothing from. this was another wonderful peice, keep it up -steph
well you were told your love meant nothing. your write pretty much expressed it. im sorry that happened. i think everyones love should be somewhat meant. im sure it means something to someone! bren
Well, what i got from this Haiku (good job on it by the way) is that the star that you are talking about is someone close to you (ie; best friend, brother, guy at school) that always outdo you in all subjects. Like no matter how hard you try he/she does better than you. Well, that was my interpretation of it anyways. Aken Sol
Wow, I like this a lot. Sometimes I read something by someone, and I just feel like they're way off somewhere, and I'm just here on earth. I could see it in a romantic sense too. This is very evocative.
Good haiku. You got your message through clearly and actually made sense it in (a lot of ones I've read don't make sense in the least, and that's not because I can't get the meaning...) but anyway, this is a pretty little thing.
Very nice Haiku. I think I am not alone to say that most have spent a moment looking up at the sky and realizing just how small we all are in the grand scheme of things. This message comes through quite clearly here...Chris
Sounds like a reflections...l know there is a special count to these types of poems, but l have never read the guild lines...and l dont' plan on it...But as far as your poem goes, l think you did it just right...Good day...
I really liked this. I usually don't get much out of haiku's... but I thought this one was great. The fact that a star... just one shining ray can make you feel so small and not important, it's a beautiful concept, you used all the right words. I have no complaints. You did such a great job!
Reminds me one of Tori Amos songs, "Twinkle" probably. Your piece is short and consequent, and it does the point. It's moving and contains far more than 4xA4 worth(less) scribble of some users here. Insignificance - it always makes me think about one particular thing I keep returning to, when I'm in such mood. It's like a scar. Good job.
Submission Name: Starlight
