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cherish the thought

Author: love gone wrong
ASL Info:    27/m/colorado
Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 337 /381 /42
Words: 56
Class/Type: Poetry /Happy
Total Views: 1563
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 415


i dont like it, seems forced to me even though i wrote it in one sitting. any feedback, suggestions, criticizm, etc.

cherish the thought

what does this mean?
is it fate i've seen?
my soul is healing
the happines i'm feeling
i musn't question
this spiritual session
the gouge in my heart gets smaller each day
it's hard to trust....but i will find my way
no longer wandering
no longer squandering
whether it's fate or not
i'll cherish the thought

Submitted on 2004-02-27 17:31:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I love to see the versatility of the writers of this site. You capture the passions of life quite well. Short but sweet is always good in my eyes.
| Posted on 2004-03-04 00:00:00 | by Diakato | [ Reply to This ]
  really liked the last two lines and the thought behind the poem.
but the opening lines are a bit dim...
| Posted on 2004-02-27 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it. It does seem somewhat forced but it's a very nice sentiment.
| Posted on 2004-02-27 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the message/sentiment you have presented, though the piece doesn't flow easily. I think try to break iit up more naturally, and i also think it may not need need such a rigorus rhyme scheme...true it is a happy celebratory mood , but the rhyme in places makes it a tad sing-song. I really like it though, it's just you asked for input. Thanks, Silver
| Posted on 2004-02-27 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  I quite liked the message and that last rhyme just felt perfect. But it does feel forced, and often I like to scrap poems that feel forced and just try again, especially while meditating to music that fits the theme you wish to convey. If you are not satisfied, give it another shot.
| Posted on 2004-02-27 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]

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