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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dead Boydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _proper_noun_
    ASL Info:    20/m/OK
    Elite Ratio:    5.39 - 106/87/23
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358



    Description:
       If you think it's a little too Dr. Suessy, you're wrong, it's supposed to be. Think Dr. Suess or Tim Burton. With that said, what're your views on word choice and flow? Btw, the original title was, "The Boy Who Everyone 'Thought' Was Dead," so I hope it makes more sense now. The first title just didn't fit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDead Boydots
    -------------------------------------------


    He is the boy who they all thought was dead.
    "Poor boy with no grave," is what everyone said.
    Then one day, a woman cried out,
    "Listen up all, let's no longer pout.
    "I've thought of a way to make it all better.
    "What if we all put our money together?"
    Then they all realized that they had money to spare,
    So they pitched in together to show that they cared.
    Then, with the change they collected that day,
    They paid for a funeral that was grand I must say.
    Soon came the time to put the box in the ground,
    But as soon as it lowered, they all heard a sound:
    First a sniff, then a sneeze, then a cough and a hack.
    Then from inside came a thump and a scratch.
    Everyone was still, didn't know what to do,
    He'd been dead for twelve years, or seven, maybe two.
    They raised up the coffin, and to their surprise,
    Out popped the boy with sunken, dead eyes.
    "May I have some water to sooth my dry throat?"
    He asked small and weak, his voice just a croak.
    Everyone smiled, no longer befuddled,
    And gave him a drink which he promptly swallowed.
    Then they laid him away in his casket with care,
    With hopes that no grave robbers should ever stop there.




    Submitted on 2004-09-20 15:55:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree that it is more Tim Burton than Dr. Seuss. I like it, though I did not understand why a dead boy would sit up and ask for a drink??? Maybe I just don't get it. Overall this poem is awesome and wierd at the same time. Great work, I can't wait to read more of it!
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is definately very interesting. I like the way you used such a simple and almost child-like rhyme scheme for such a serious and creepy poem. It creates a certain level of confusion that i think fits perfectly with your poem!
    Great job!
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
      Then one day, a woman cried out,
    ?Listen up all, let?s no longer pout.
    ?I?ve thought of a way to make it all better.
    ?What if we all put our money together??
    Then they all realized they had money to spare,
    So they all pitched in to show that they cared.

    when I see these lines it makes me wanna say neato...I lovvvvvvvvveee Dr Suess and I'm eighteen years old...pretty freaky...so I really loved this babe...its a shame the good ol doc couldn't read your stuff huh?
    Like ALi said the only part that didn't make since is the asked for a drink part, besides that it was good.
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is incredibly interesting, if it's REALLY REALLY weird. I would go back over it and look at the syllablization if I were you, and check the wording and stuff. For instance, this line. . . here are my changes. . .
    "Then they all realized that they had money to spare,
    So they pitched in together to show that they cared."
    Just little stuff like that makes a difference. If you want help you can PM me or something. Good write!
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-09-20 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]



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