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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Locked Indots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 1502
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 639



    Description:
       People who fear life are always the ones who complain about it being boring and controlling. It is entirely up to you what kind of life you live, entirely your decision how you react to situations. And if you learn to live life to the fullest, you will have nothing to fear.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLocked Indots
    -------------------------------------------


    We board up the windows
    Seal them up tight
    Crawl into bed
    Turning off all the lights

    The darkness envelops
    These sullen places
    We cover the mirrors
    In fear of our faces

    Attempting to shut out
    All things that we fear
    We block off the passage
    For those we hold dear

    Surrounding ourselves
    With darkness and hate
    There are no more actions
    Everything’s left to fate

    We lock all the doors
    And toss out the key
    Then we sit and wonder
    Why we’ll never be free






    Submitted on 2004-09-21 15:30:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm...I cant quite relate, but how interesting. What makes you feel this way? or Who? The poem was really descriptive though, the scheme pretty correct and all, just a little unclear, I guess, but that doesn't make it any less interesting. I think I'll try some of your other poetry, maybe Ill get a little more of a feel for what you're trying to say...good work though
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
      I often wondered when I was depressed why everything seemed to hate me. It was because I never gave myself a chance to embrace it, therefore I was always scared of it. You put out a great message in this poem, expecially the last stanza. I don't believe I would change anything, there was a lot of emotion, great rhyming, a great message, and an awesome ending.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by BlackAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I like how you made your point about life being what you make it come across. You seem to have done a great job with this one... I have no complaints. I am going to add this one to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very direct poem with a clear point, which can be very refreshing in poetry because a lot of the time we seem to skirt around our message. I liked it for its simplicity, though I think it could have benefitted from some punctuation.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Thrin | [ Reply to This ]
      "I think, therefore I am" - Rene Descartes

    I am in total lust with this poem. I am a strong believer in existentialism, and the whole idea of life being what you make it is just an extremety of those beliefs. I love how you make the people seem like tiny rodents in their holes, and then completely bash them at the end with this line:
    "We lock all the doors
    And toss out the key
    Then we sit and wonder
    Why we?ll never be free"
    Beautiful.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by _proper_noun_ | [ Reply to This ]
      You have expressed your point clearly. A great job. A couple of suggestions to improve the flow.

    "Turning off all the lights" could be
    "Turn off all the lights"
    Has the same meaning but reduces an unnecessary syllable.

    "Everything’s left to fate" could be
    "All is left to fate"
    Same as above.

    Check it and see if it doesn't flow better.

    Any way you do it, it's still an excellent poem.
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. I can't say that I can relate, which probably isn't a bad thing. And from your description, it doesn't sound like you wrote from personal experience. Nice write though. I liked the rhyming pattern. It didn't seem at all forced. The flow made it an easy read, yet it didn't lose any of its impact. Very nice job.
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    25149

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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