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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Betrayaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _proper_noun_
    ASL Info:    20/m/OK
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 106/88/24
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1260
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326



    Description:
       Ok, it's pretty obvious what it's about to me, but I'm the writer, so it should be. I want to see how obvious it is to all y'all. Sorry if my puncuation makes my poems incomprehensible, I write in word, and then copy and paste, so all of my quotations, apostraphes, and ellipses become question marks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetrayaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dew-drops of lover's eyes,
    Gracing beautiful unmoving lips,
    Ill-informed to the pain of which they are wrought.
    Memories are left to the heart,
    But they are frayed,
    For so is the vessel upon which they rest.
    A promise broken,
    Dreams gone amok,
    No remorse...




    Submitted on 2004-09-21 15:36:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      GREAT JOB, I loved it. I have had many people do that do me. and I love how you explain that the person had nothing to say for betraying you...Wonderful way of writing...keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Wicked_Sins | [ Reply to This ]
      Proved once again...your a kick ass poet. Never ever stop writing or I will find you...and...hurt you? Lol..jk. But I do mean it, if I ever find out you stopped I'd get angry. Your awsome, and write beautiful poems. NEVER EVER EVER STOP! Heh...just getting my point across. Keep it up...
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Broken_Bruised | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem on betrayal? I thought alot about it. 1st, the word betrayal. Before I even started to read the poem, I thought to myself who has betrayed me? I really, have been betrayed quite a few times. I think its because Im naive. I thought of friends that betrayed me, boys that betrayed me.
    I read the poem, and it applied mostly to a person that betrayed me. I was kinda seeing this boy. AND then I found out that he had slept with this dirty whore and she thought she was pregnant.
    Wow.
    I dont know WHY I just told you that, probably because you asked.
    But yah.
    Theres the story, short and sweet.
    Im off.
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-09-26 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      What can I say? Beautiful? Wonderful? This is outstanding, this revision is only a little refinery to get it even better. . .
    "Dew-drops of a lover's eyes,
    Gracing resplendent, immobile lips
    Ill-informed in the image of the pain from which they are wrought.
    Memories are left to the heart,
    But they are frayed
    And only a dream that become more meaningless by the hour -
    For such is the vessel upon which they rest.
    A promise broken,
    Dreams gone amok,
    No remorse. . .

    I love. . . let me know if you do a rewrite.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      to me these simple words sound just like what the title says, betrayl...it seems like there was love, once and it was long and careful but still loving, but they lied once...and once a liar always a liar and then their mouths no longer move all you hear are tainting descripinces..(don't know how to spell that)...I hope you get my meaning...or am I way off base here?
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      its short and slightly confusing to me but i like it anyways then again i like alot of things so i'm not sure if that in anyway matters but meh
    i like it anyways
    well keep up the writing
    love nat
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Nataliah_Coffin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. Very good, I don't think anything needs to be changed. Welcome to the site! Hope to see more of your work.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      for me, i think it is pretty much straight to the point... 'dew drops' referring to tears... 'Gracing beautiful unmoving lips,
    Ill-informed to the pain of which they are wrought' referring to the fact that the person was informed of the betrayal that took place...
    'Memories are left to the heart,
    But they are frayed,
    For so is the vessel upon which they rest' i think means that the memories that were supposedly the only things left were already lost and so is the heart that (i think) loved once but not anymore... well, that's my literal interpretation... i could be wrong but it's nicely done...
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem and I cant wait to read more of your work.
    It was simplistic, and had an elegant tone to it.
    good work
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]


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