Description: I know it's simple, it's a poem i wrote about one of my ex- boyfriends, when i was with him.
Complete with you -------------------------------------------
I wish i could explain
The way you make me feel
I want you to see
that i know that its real
When I hear your voice
my worries leave and smother
I want to be with you
for us to be eachother
no one seems to understand
how greatly i do care
and with all the world
I wish that i could share
I'm yours for the taking
so please hold me close
You're like a stong drug
but i cannot overdose
i stare at the picture
of just you and me
But faces of two people
I see the souls of two
people deep in Love
This is meant to be
cause it's sent from above
You bless my life
with opportunities for the next day
I will love you forever
caring all along the way
I never want you to feel
any form of pain
Cause when I'm with you
I'm a little bit more sane
You have changed me so much
filled my empty space
i want to touch you
and to feel your face
Remember the nights
i was laying on your arm
It made me feel safe
I could feel no harm
Sometimes when i think of you
my heart aches
It's because i miss you
but this is no mistake
I wish i could stop
writing how i feel
but thinking of you,
makes the pain heal
I love you completely
I never want this to end
And as this poem was sent
My love i also send.
it definately expresses love, but it seems a bit luke warm because the lack of detail. the current format seems to make the piece drag out. I think that this is a start. You could improve upon it, but then you'd have to go back to the past and try to bring up feelings that may or may not still exsist. It remind me of what I first thought was love. "for us to be each other" is a very sensual and provactive line one of my favorite in this poem/ letter I also like the drug analogy which seems appropriate it seem more like addiction than true love. there are also a few simple gramatical errors and in the forth line if you're not opposed to doing so ommit the "that" at the beggining. The line is just as easily understood without it and it is stronger when readed by itself that way. Anyway thanks for sharing; this piece reminds me of my writing a few years back peace! Keep writing!
Submission Name: Complete with you
peace! Keep writing!