Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Only me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lost_escape
    ASL Info:    16/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.37 - 44/60/23
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 263
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       About my boyfriend, and his ex.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnly me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Will you hold me till forever ends?
    Until the sky's dark?
    Can you hear the angels cry for us,
    can you hear them hark.
    When you're with me,
    do you think of her?
    Are you putting your heart into this,
    I want to be sure.
    Are you sure i don't annoy you,
    Do you really want me around?
    Do you wish i were her,
    Wish again she were found?
    I'm so insecure,
    worried, and scared.
    I'm afraid to share my feelings
    Are yours all being shared?
    Please don't hurt me,
    tell me if you don't feel the same
    Don't leave me embarrassed,
    Don't leave me in shame.
    I really care for you,
    and i want it to be
    But if you do not want me
    Then please, let me see.




    Submitted on 2004-09-21 17:35:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good job: however in one line "do you really want me around" you lose your flow a bit: u might want to try turning "around"into just "round"? i dunno: just a thought: Overall a really good piece though
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by littlecoombs | [ Reply to This ]
      I dislike the line about forever ending. I think will you hold me forever would be enough. It seems like a heartfelt confessional. i have no deeper feeling about who you are after reading it only that you're insecure; in context. Anyway I think it has potential, but I feel like I'm not getting enough of you or this feeling. the insecurity is mildly developed I would work with that; Will you rip away from this embrace? I don't know just something a little more peace
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Very heartfelt and I think something that everyone at one time or another has felt. I know I certainly have a time or two. Keep up the good job.
    | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by Pogirl | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.