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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Nameless ( Part 1 )dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shabnam
    ASL Info:    23 f Germany
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 322/248/45
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 352
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Nameless ( Part 1 )dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gorgeous brightness was about to arrive
    Ravishing night beauty was trying to survive

    The world seemed to stand still
    The silence was going to kill

    A dancing sparkle came to shine
    Was he a star, or a friend of mine?

    Was he the glowing devil?
    Or the evil avenging angel

    He was stunning in everyway
    More than words could ever say

    Is he for real or just a fantasy
    Is he shy, will harm come to me?

    He came like storm closer
    My heartbeat went slower

    I heard an echoing vibrant voice
    Although he didn’t make any noise

    His words were to me like magic
    His magnificent eyes looked tragic

    I felt like I was flying
    Maybe I was dying

    It was painless to be in his near
    It was horrible to see in his eyes tear

    He spoke within endless prose
    He was full of thorns just like a rose

    I could just listen to him until the end
    But then came a tremendous wind

    In a moment he flickered out of sight, he was gone
    Everything was the same again, I was standing alone

    A feeling told me he would come again
    And I would lose more then I could gain


    To be continued





    Submitted on 2004-09-22 12:43:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This character seems to be a dangerous one for a young woman to meet! But for for a woman who understands romance, he could be exciting.

    That's what the poem makes me think about. The attraction and excitement itself - the feelings described in the poem - made me think: "If I felt like that, I would be very suspicious of myself!"

    I like the line "To be continued". It's true poetry, to tell your own real story. It is brave, too.

    Where you have written "then", you should change it to "Than".

    The line "It was painless to be in he's near" is one of the bits that dmm "stumbled" on, in the comment below. There are two grammatical oddities which anglophones don't write - but they are not exactly incorrect! Firstly: "He's" would normally be written "his". Secondly: 'near' is not a place you can be in; it is a short distance, and the word is an adjective.

    However, poets are allowed to use words in unusual ways! That is why some readers will call it a mistake, and some others like me will just be quite charmed! That entire couplet is very curious, and so I hope you don't change it when anybody complains about it; I just hope you get some entertainment out of all the comments over time!
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Most of this was really interesting and he is certainly some kind of dude but I did stumble once or twice on the verbage. Thanks for a nice read,looking forward to part two.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow!
    You are a wonderful poet, your poem expresses what is in my mind. It is a well written poem. I really like it. I'm going to add it to my favourites.
    Khaled Abdallah
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]



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