Description: i haven't decided if this is a work in progress or if it's complete
thanks in advance for all the comments...if i don't thank you for taking the time to read this for a few days it's because i'm in the process of moving...
a Nation of Zombies -------------------------------------------
The fallen angels have risen from hell
To lead the masses in this prison cell
Pretend ignorance, just keep your eyes closed
Conform and your secrets won’t be exposed
False truths are guaranteed to one and all
Stand on the ledge confident we won’t fall
Ego is the black plague of our generation
Fabricated safety lulls our nation
Daily life transformed into a freak show
Forced paranoia: are you friend or foe?
Jumping at shadows at every turn
Smothering the world with our concern
Censor your life, even thoughts in your head
Told to live, but aren’t we already dead?
Obediently lying in our graves
A world full of nothing but zombie slaves
Controlled by a faceless government’s hand
Ore entire existence has been planned
i personally don't think this is good as your other poems, but i still like it. i don't think i get the whole idea behind it though. maybe that is why i don't like it as much. oh...i read some of your other comments, and they said that this was about the government and politics or whatever...i am not one to "fancy" the subject...i couldn't care less what the government was doing...oh well...great work anyways.
great write. I love the message, though I don't think it's fair to lay all that at the government's feet. Society itself dictates behavior and confomity as much as any governmental institution. Anyway, I love the imagery here and I completely agree that for the most part people don't really "live" anymore, they simply exist. The only thing I see worth revising is the second to last line. It should begin with "Our" not "Are." Other than that, I'd leave the piece exactly as is. Good job. J
I sensed the anti gov theme, but some of the lines just seem to be forced. It seemed more like a cry for help then poetry, "Pretend ignorance, just keep your eyes closed Conform and your secrets won’t be exposed" Amazing the rest of the way, but the beginning is what didnt totally draw me into it. I wish more people were like minded as us, and your the first who i have seen try to set it to poetry. Great poem.
i liked this poem. it had a nice flow and nice rhyming. at first i didnt know where the poem was going and then at the end i understood that it was about the government (or at least that is what i got from it). it is a poem with a really good (for lack of a better word) point, i think. i really liked. keep up the good work.