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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a Nation of Zombiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: morte
    ASL Info:    17/female/earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430/348/55
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 997
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911



    Description:
       i haven't decided if this is a work in progress or if it's complete

    thanks in advance for all the comments...if i don't thank you for taking the time to read this for a few days it's because i'm in the process of moving...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa Nation of Zombiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The fallen angels have risen from hell
    To lead the masses in this prison cell
    Pretend ignorance, just keep your eyes closed
    Conform and your secrets won’t be exposed
    False truths are guaranteed to one and all
    Stand on the ledge confident we won’t fall
    Ego is the black plague of our generation
    Fabricated safety lulls our nation
    Daily life transformed into a freak show
    Forced paranoia: are you friend or foe?
    Jumping at shadows at every turn
    Smothering the world with our concern
    Censor your life, even thoughts in your head
    Told to live, but aren’t we already dead?
    Obediently lying in our graves
    A world full of nothing but zombie slaves
    Controlled by a faceless government’s hand
    Ore entire existence has been planned

    All this because no one would take a stand…




    Submitted on 2004-09-22 20:06:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i personally don't think this is good as your other poems, but i still like it. i don't think i get the whole idea behind it though. maybe that is why i don't like it as much. oh...i read some of your other comments, and they said that this was about the government and politics or whatever...i am not one to "fancy" the subject...i couldn't care less what the government was doing...oh well...great work anyways.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good and I loved the meassage it sent, even though I probally took it in a diffrent way then you attended.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      great write. I love the message, though I don't think it's fair to lay all that at the government's feet. Society itself dictates behavior and confomity as much as any governmental institution. Anyway, I love the imagery here and I completely agree that for the most part people don't really "live" anymore, they simply exist. The only thing I see worth revising is the second to last line. It should begin with "Our" not "Are." Other than that, I'd leave the piece exactly as is. Good job.
    J
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the rhyming alot and i really like the anarchy/anti-gov. theme...im looking forward to reading more...I can ..relate, if thats the word, to it...but N E ways keep it...L8r
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      I sensed the anti gov theme, but some of the lines just seem to be forced. It seemed more like a cry for help then poetry, "Pretend ignorance, just keep your eyes closed
    Conform and your secrets won’t be exposed"
    Amazing the rest of the way, but the beginning is what didnt totally draw me into it. I wish more people were like minded as us, and your the first who i have seen try to set it to poetry. Great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      extremely good poem! i am adding to my favorites! the goverment sucks! and taxes! taxes suck too! my dads always talking, going on about how corrupt our government is.

    told to live, but aren't we already dead?

    i love that part! great job! i hope you have fun moving!
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem. it had a nice flow and nice rhyming. at first i didnt know where the poem was going and then at the end i understood that it was about the government (or at least that is what i got from it). it is a poem with a really good (for lack of a better word) point, i think. i really liked. keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by _Joeysgirl_ | [ Reply to This ]


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