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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The waitingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lost_escape
    ASL Info:    16/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.37 - 44/60/23
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 286
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       Not my usual style of writing....not at all actually, I'm just trying somehting different.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe waitingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It rained the day you left
    rained, pained.
    I sit watching and awaiting your return.
    This burn, the longing, it's unreal
    How, oh how can i make it heal?
    You had sat closly to my side
    you said forever.
    You told me I was your greatest endevor.
    you lied, i sit
    crying on the back porch
    Hating that you left, begging
    you back.
    I read through the letter you wrote
    Merely days ago, weeks ago,
    filled with emotion, love, compassion.
    Please return my love,
    for the world has no beauty
    without you.




    Submitted on 2004-09-22 21:26:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the theme of this poem, but the flow is kind of off, because you jump from one idea to the next.
    I absolutly love the line:
    for the world has no beauty
    without you.
    It says so much, and was a great way to end the poem. Its pretty good, and with alittle bit of work could be phenom!
    One thing I would change would be
    rained, pained. The pained doesnt really seem to fit the scheme
    other than that good work
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      *sobs hysterically* it was soooooo beautiful! it was wonderful! it fit together so perfectly, and the words! oh the words were so passionate...*wipes away a tear* it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,... really really good.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel the pain in this poem so strongly...it's simply beautiful! I can picture someone curled up in a corner, bawlign their eyes out...with nothign but a few letters and photos...and a heartload of emotions and memories. But no amount of crying can make you forget...nothing can heal the pain aside from time itself. This is so pretty...I love it, although it's definately a tear jerker.
    | Posted on 2004-09-22 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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