Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Growin Colddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: medicated
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 269/369/98
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 1001
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1662



    Description:
       i just wrote it so i would really like to have some feedback, thoughts ,ideas, whatever.....
    If you did thanx
    and if you didn't
    well thanx N E ways for lookin at it for the least......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrowin Colddots
    -------------------------------------------


    im growin cold within
    sleepless nights
    torment me more and more
    it's like this
    playin your games
    it's like your
    shoveling in shame

    i feel the nightmares comes
    but i'm awake
    and i see evrything's
    gone wrong
    didn't make her any less
    she fucked me up all
    inside
    since the first time

    And i can't help but
    see what she could do to me
    i used to be alive
    she used heart
    as a knife
    stabbed and torn
    on the inside

    god i want to die
    i used to feel alive
    and i'd love to watch
    myself burn

    it's like this
    playin your games
    it's like your
    shoveling in shame
    and all the love she had
    is gone
    and the only way she feels
    alive
    is to kill every one inside

    suicidal
    i see the bodies lined up
    killed ourselves for her

    i love to watch myself burn
    as the pains growing
    and the fear i'v given into

    they told me to help
    her feel alive
    and i loved
    so i tried
    but she fucked me up all inside

    she can't stop playin her games
    she can't stop playin her games, no
    but everyone fell in love with her
    just to see her body strip
    but they don't see she's all fake

    and i feel the life around me disintegrate
    i want to feel alive
    and they paid to watch me burn......fuck it




    Submitted on 2004-09-23 18:13:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow...these lyrics are great...i would love to hear this song played so i could match it to the music, the beat...your wording is terrific and the feeling behind it is so chaotic...the flow is great even though you have the lines broken up so many ways...i think you have a lot of talent and i'm looking foward to reading more of your work...
    | Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    25412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry