[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Growin Colddots

    Author: medicated
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 269/369/98
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1662

       i just wrote it so i would really like to have some feedback, thoughts ,ideas, whatever.....
    If you did thanx
    and if you didn't
    well thanx N E ways for lookin at it for the least......

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrowin Colddots

    im growin cold within
    sleepless nights
    torment me more and more
    it's like this
    playin your games
    it's like your
    shoveling in shame

    i feel the nightmares comes
    but i'm awake
    and i see evrything's
    gone wrong
    didn't make her any less
    she fucked me up all
    since the first time

    And i can't help but
    see what she could do to me
    i used to be alive
    she used heart
    as a knife
    stabbed and torn
    on the inside

    god i want to die
    i used to feel alive
    and i'd love to watch
    myself burn

    it's like this
    playin your games
    it's like your
    shoveling in shame
    and all the love she had
    is gone
    and the only way she feels
    is to kill every one inside

    i see the bodies lined up
    killed ourselves for her

    i love to watch myself burn
    as the pains growing
    and the fear i'v given into

    they told me to help
    her feel alive
    and i loved
    so i tried
    but she fucked me up all inside

    she can't stop playin her games
    she can't stop playin her games, no
    but everyone fell in love with her
    just to see her body strip
    but they don't see she's all fake

    and i feel the life around me disintegrate
    i want to feel alive
    and they paid to watch me burn......fuck it

    Submitted on 2004-09-23 18:13:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow...these lyrics are great...i would love to hear this song played so i could match it to the music, the beat...your wording is terrific and the feeling behind it is so chaotic...the flow is great even though you have the lines broken up so many ways...i think you have a lot of talent and i'm looking foward to reading more of your work...
    | Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]