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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Eventful Evening


Author: Ontlogicalamity
ASL Info:    33/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 190 /194 /45
Words: 67
Class/Type: Poetry /Happy
Total Views: 1580
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 451



Description:

Something quick and cute. Hopefully it brings a smile to your face too.


Eventful Evening


This evening I took a walk.
As I walked, I thought.
As I thought, I strayed.
As I strayed, I tripped.

WHOMP!

This evening I limped home.
As I limped, I saw.
As I saw, I followed.
As I followed, I got lost.

Hmmmmmm...

This evening I returned.
As I returned, I reminisced.
As I reminisced, I considered.
As I considered, I smiled.




Submitted on 2004-09-23 20:52:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Surprisingly effective this piece. You did work a smaile out of me too, which was great as it's been a [censored]ty day. The format for this is way cool. For the last part maybe if you just said, "considering...' using the ing for all those words...then it might flow better. take or toss. Cool poem
| Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple sweet and cute ok so whod you steal this one from eh?!?!? j/k sorry to make that comment at your expense...I really did enjoy this piece I kinda needed it after the weeks events up until now...I swear as of late you really have surprised me with the things youve posted...good show old man!
| Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this too. It put a smile on my face (despite the myth floating around here that I never smile or laugh). The repetition and the onomatopoeia are effective. You're a clever one.
| Posted on 2004-09-23 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



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